Mans ability to make fire is one of the most important advances in civilization. Man’s survival often depended on it, however with the advent of the match, the lighter and eventually the microwave oven, the simple task was lost to most. Before we get into the mechanics of fire making one must understand what exactly is fire. First off it is hot, I mean really hot, in fact it is so hot it can burn the crap outta you if your not careful. I’m not just talking about the ouch I got a blister hot either. I’m mostly talking about the third degree burns where you need skin grafts and reconstructive surgery if you survive kinda hot. Then there’s the ability of fire to get out of control, in fact it can spread like wildfire! Burn down entire cities, and turn huge landscapes into a smoldering wasteland. Fire has been used to destroy, and kill indiscriminately by man to the point it was the first weapon of mass destruction. In retrospect the fewer people who know how to make fire the better in my opinion. It is far too dangerous to be handing it out like candy, so if you don’t know how to make fire already just forget about. Learn to eat your food cold, and buy an extra blanket to keep warm. Because there’s no way in hell I’m going to enable a pyromaniac wannabe.
I think you're right. Fire was the first terror weapon, and was widely used even before the atrocities at Sodom and Gomorrah. It is clear that anyone who espouses the free or unrestricted use of fire is almost certainly a terrorist, or at the very least criminally insane. Fire should be tightly regulated, and banned from public use. Only the police and military should have the ability to make and use fire. Further, anyone found in possession of unlicensed or otherwise illegal tools and materials for the production or distribution of fire should be tried for a felony crime at the Federal level and sentenced upon conviction to at least thirty years of imprisonment, without parole. That goes not only for Bic (and other mechanical, electric, or electro-mechanical) lighters and matches, but also flint and and steel, flint without steel (an ingredient) and steel without flint (also an ingredient). This prohibition should further extend to every light gathering or focusing apparatus that can or may be used to concentrate heat or light to 451 degrees Fahrenheit, or any greater or lesser temperature for the purpose of igniting an unlawful fire. Moreover, anyone found to be in possession of illegal tender should be convicted on the basis of prima facie evidence of their intention to illegally kindle, allow to be kindled, or promote the kindling of a criminal fire. This should (and shall) include not only charcloth, fire fungus, and/or finely divided quantities of any flammable material, but also any and all flammable liquids, semi-solids, and composite materials which do or may support combustion. Further, in the interest of National Security, and to protect the safety of American citizens, any person found in possession of or convicted of using any oxidant without a Federal License should be tried for a Federal felony and sentenced upon conviction to at least thirty years of imprisonment, without parole. Such oxidants should include any solid, liquid, semi-solid, semi-liquid or gaseous combination of oxygen, including pure oxygen, and oxygen adulterated with other combustible and/or non-combustible materials, including Nitrogen. The use of biological oxidents oxidized at a temperature of 98.6 degrees F. or less shall be lawful for licensed individuals who can demonstrate a valid medical requirement, after an extensive background check and the payment of a $1,000.00 per month license fee, subject to immediate cancellation if the operative temperature of that use should exceed 99 degrees F. Further, any verbal or written endorsement of the use of flammable materials for the production of electricity, light, heat, or transportation, or any other purpose, should be unlawful, and subject the offender to appropriate penalties, up to and including death and/or dismemberment in any order thereof. FIRE IS OUR ENEMY! HELP STAMP IT OUT!
If only I could write like that! You took my feeble attempt and turned it into art. Bravo sir! I am humbled beyond words. PS: Thanks for bringing this thread up a dozen notches. CT.
@C.T: Thank you for the complement. From such a skilled and successful author as yourself it is high praise indeed.
