Evil Children...

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by UncleMorgan, Dec 13, 2017.

  1. UncleMorgan

    UncleMorgan I like peeling bananas and (occasionally) people.

    A long time ago, in a land right next to my house, lived a cranky old SOB that was always calling the law on me and/or my kids. And in other ways acting like a Bad Neighbor.

    Rather than fertilizing his roses with him, I just mostly let it slide.

    When my daughter was about 16, my wife and I were away one weekend on business.

    Apparently, my neighbor got cranky with my daughter. She didn't let it slide.

    At 2:00 AM the next morning she had twelve (12!) Extra-Large Pizzas with double garlic and anchovies delivered to his door.

    The delivery guy woke him up. The delivery guy wanted his money, and he didn't leave until he got it.

    Those pizzas cost Captain Cranky over $150.00--and he never said a cross word to my daughter again.

    I didn't find about that little escapade until quite a while later, but when I did I truly knew how wonderful having an Evil Child could be.
  2. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grampa Monkey

    I was that evil child!!! Back when my folks lived in Portland, they had a nasty neighbor who would make all kinds of demands of my folks, he would insist on things and demand his way in every thing. He threatened my dad one time and my brother punched him in the beak putting him in the hospital. My brother left for boot camp two days later, thus avoiding any punishment. I can home on leave several months later and the neighbor had stepped up his harassment of the folks. Not cool in my book. The neighbor was one of those yuppies that had to have the Porsche, the Lexas, and Bimmer SUV. I decided to have a little "Fun" and took a sharpened ice pick to the top of the Porsche, right over the drivers seat, and took a spray bottle full of used motor oil and liberally applied to the underside of the Bimmer!!! Don' know how many thousands it cost him, but it felt good to get a little revenge. Another time when I was home on leave, he got super missed at my Dad for refusing to move the mailbox, the argument got heated after the Sheriff told the neighbor to Back off, that the mail box would not be moved, he showed up on the front porch at 8 am sharp and went off on my folks threatening them with all sorts of things, I had enough of it, put a 1911 in his face and told him if he ever threatened my family ever again, I would pop him in the gob, wrap him in cyclone fence and send him down the mighty Columbia to feed the fishes!!!! He never said a word to my folks ever again after that. Apparently the Sheriff told him threatening my folks after he was told to leave constituted an escalation and that my pointing a gun in his face was well within my rights!
    Aeason, Ganado, Gator 45/70 and 13 others like this.
  3. UncleMorgan

    UncleMorgan I like peeling bananas and (occasionally) people.

    Well done, Evil Child.
    Aeason, techsar, Sgt Nambu and 3 others like this.
  4. SB21

    SB21 Monkey+++

    Sometimes it takes the evil child to keep the natural balance in life.
  5. tacmotusn

    tacmotusn RIP 1/13/21

    I am not admittin' to nuttin'. You all know my devious mind can come up with things that would make Stephen King cringe. I am planning on going home for the 50th High School Graduation shindig next Sept and do not need to dredge up old exploits.
    Aeason, Ganado, Gator 45/70 and 5 others like this.
  6. runswithdogs

    runswithdogs Monkey+++

    I would tell you some things but the statue of limitations hasent run out yet......:cautious:
    Aeason, Ganado, Gator 45/70 and 7 others like this.
  7. 3M-TA3

    3M-TA3 Cold Wet Monkey Site Supporter++

    I'm not anywhere near @Ura-Ki 's class, but I worked with an anal retentive passive agressive guy that annoyed everybody. I finally got fed up with is BS about the same time as the smelt run (small fish named very appropriately). I wound up stapling several several to the front of his desk which faced the wall, and then a day later injected fish fertilizer into his chair cushion. He eventually found the fish and removed them, but by that time had gotten used to the fishy smell and didn't realize he was dosing himself every time he sat down. Even after that was over we would occasionally sniff like something smelled bad whenever he came around.
    Aeason, Ganado, Gator 45/70 and 5 others like this.
  8. Bandit99

    Bandit99 Monkey+++ Site Supporter+

    "...and took a spray bottle full of used motor oil and liberally applied to the underside of the Bimmer!!"

    Now that there is evil! LOL!!
    Aeason, Ganado, Gator 45/70 and 4 others like this.
  9. techsar

    techsar Monkey+++

    You know, a roadkill skunk turns to liquid if you put it in a trash bag over the summer...then think defroster vents...

    Not gonna say more ;)
  10. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grampa Monkey

    Salmon heads in a black baggy under a certain seat work pretty good too! Or so I have heard!!! Lol
  11. runswithdogs

    runswithdogs Monkey+++

    Langoustine heads......:whistle:
  12. Bishop

    Bishop Monkey+++

    Well let's get started

    My dad had a gas station and auto shop
    We would take and pop the beads on tires with the tire changer put a mullet in one put back on the car after about a week we would let the air out then the guy would try to fix it himself .

    Me and my best friend we're always playing pranks on each other and one day she had put stink bombs in my Nova so I caught a bunch of banana spiders and put in her escort and the next morning it looked like a horrific sifi move the spiders had made there big webs all through her car

    We had a man that live down the road that would always come running out after us when we ride our bikes by his house so I went over to his house and covered a hard take handle with some sand and put leaves on the take teeth he stopped chasing us after the goose egg

    I dig a small hole to hide the water hose nozzle in front of my dad's shop and buried the hose ever morning he would open the store the the shop step on the nozzle soak his pants he thought my nephews were doing it the would get to the store to catch the bus and as soon as they got out of the car my dad was spanking them I did that so often that they would be crying before the got to the store

    The neighbors kid had anything he wanted he got a new bike so I took the valve cap off put a rock on the inside and put it back on just tight enough that when he would put weight on it it would push in the valve and let the air out I bet he had 50 patchs on a tube that had no hole in it

    Yes I was a mean kid still can be when I want
  13. SB21

    SB21 Monkey+++

    Simple , but very effective there Bishop.
    UncleMorgan and Ura-Ki like this.
  14. BTPost

    BTPost Stumpy Old Fart Snow Monkey Moderator

    Oh, i was evil as a young Man, and am certainly happy for The Statute of Limitations, on my neferious acts...
  15. Tempstar

    Tempstar Old and crochety Site Supporter+

    Had a very anal neighbor. I would sneak over and unlatch the garbage can lids and wait for the raccoons to do my dirty work. He would go nuts before daylight picking up the trash so no one would see his pristine yard with garbage in it. After buying my own house years later, the next door neighbor turned her house over to Section-8 to rent out for her. On really bad bunch moved in, staying up all night, dealing drugs, and just generally raising hell and making the neighborhood miserable. I told the patriarch of this misguided group that the old man that used to live there was a former KKK Grand Wizard and that I would swear I had seen his ghost. A while later I went over at 4 a.m. and painted a cross on the front lawn with Round-up. In just a few days when the chemicals started to work they suddenly moved...
    And of course over the years many have fallen to the three foot long zip tie on the driveshaft gag, made even better when you put a piece of black tape on the end to hold it down for a few days and keep suspicion off yourself...
  16. UncleMorgan

    UncleMorgan I like peeling bananas and (occasionally) people.

    Gator 45/70 and Cruisin Sloth like this.
  17. Cruisin Sloth

    Cruisin Sloth Special & Slow

    Ya know kidding , Keep the ideas/ story's comin
  18. Gator 45/70

    Gator 45/70 Monkey+++

    Ever heard of Skunk oil?
    This is the odorizer that is injected into Nat gas that gives it the odor you smell.
    So one night myself and 3 buddies 2 of whom are black stopped in a local strip joint for a few beers and laughs
    Turns out the stripper's wouldn't come out and dance because we had a couple of black guys with us.
    Wasn't long before a fight broke out and the owner ran over with a can of mace hosing us down.
    Okay, Fair is fair the next day I got 16 ounces of skunk oil from the Texaco plant in Paradise La
    Went back at about 4 am in the morning and poured the oil in the ac unit,under door thresholds and anyplace I could find were a roach could pass.
    Passed by a couple of days later and half the parking lot was dug up!
    Place probably stayed closed for a couple of weeks.
    I never went back!
    techsar, Motomom34, 3M-TA3 and 4 others like this.
  19. Cruisin Sloth

    Cruisin Sloth Special & Slow

    Whats with being black & strippers won't do the dance ?
    I have seen many of all groups of humans , never seen that .

    I have been in many places like that across the world . Im always at the back .
    I never leave my drink unattended or uncovered .

  20. Gator 45/70

    Gator 45/70 Monkey+++

    Back in the mid 70s in a lot of places in the Bayou land you may not have seen
    No Colored's allowed signs but it was there.
    Cruisin Sloth likes this.
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