Hangover Ratings

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Jan 10, 2006.


  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    One Star Hangover (*)
    No pain. No real feeling of illness.
    You're able to function relatively well.
    However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still
    feel this way. For some reason, you are craving steak & fries.



    Two Star Hangover (**)
    No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you
    have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging
    is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the
    fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion.
    There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

    Three Star Hangover (***)
    Slight headache... Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
    productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
    reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed
    watching Lucy reruns.
    You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.


    Four Star Hangover (****)
    Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
    else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes,
    but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face.
    For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the
    bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair
    hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about
    five craps you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone
    who enters the bathroom.


    Five Star Hangover (*****)
    You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
    the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of
    every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the
    corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get
    the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to
    generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the
    foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed
    this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge
    of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole
    purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all
    over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now....


    THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

    Indubitably

    Innovative

    Preliminary

    Proliferation

    Cinnamon



    THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

    Specificity

    British Constitution

    Passive-aggressive disorder

    Loquacious

    Transubstantiate



    THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:


    Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

    Nope, no more booze for me.

    Sorry, but you're not really my type.

    Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.

    Oh, I just couldn't.

    No one wants to hear me sing.

    Sorry I'm being such a jackass.
     
  2. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    [beer] :lol: Is this one attributed to a "friend", or is this speaking from personal experience. [peep]
     
  3. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member



    I cannot tell a lie.....




    a little of both..
    :oops:






    but not in a very long time! [raspberry]
     
  4. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    Well I don't think I [beer] ever [beer] made [beer] it [beer] to [beer] five stars, so [raspberry] nah yourself.
     
  5. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member


    and I bet you didn't say any of those things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk either...huh?


    [raspberry] [raspberry] [peep]
     
  6. E.L.

    E.L. Moderator of Lead Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Or when you are sober...... [do-it]
     
  7. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    Yeah, that's a pretty safe bet. :sneaky:
     
  8. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member


    Don't think I'd take it though...... [whistle2]
     
  9. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    I didn't say which way it was safe to bet. :lol:
     
  10. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Just btt, because it's New Year's Day... :)
     
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