I am a bad person. Really.

My girlfriends' friend recently bought some chickens so the two went to the feed store yesterday. Both are professional women and raised in large cities. I get a text telling me they are going and if I need anything. Here is the rest of the texts.

Her: do you need anything?
Me: baling wire please.
Her. What is baling wire?

Now I am smiling because I see an opportunity for some fun.

Me: its wire for baling wire. That is why its called bailing wire.
Her: so what do I ask for.
Me: ask them for wire to bale wired. Baling wire.

Half an hour goes by.

Her: I got your wire. Ha ha. I hate you sometimes

 

Next time, ask her for " Lucus brand Blinker Fluid" and wait!!!

 

I tell you what I have learned. Never and I mean never, cover the toilet bowl with plastic wrap. It goes bad everytime

 

Lol I used to tell boots to go ask gunny for dehydrated water tablets.

 

,,, I was just getting ready to report the same thing there Bishop .

 

Always a good idea to have an extra set of muffler bearings on hand..

 

We always told young airmen to go fetch a can of prop wash, or afterburner fluid!

I have to be careful, my Lovely Bride didn't speak English very well when we first met, so I had to watch it with her, especially slang, and cursing! Nothing worse then getting that questioning look, with her ether thinking your making fun of her, or mocking her, and that's NOT cool! Fortunately, she knew that I would never ever do any of that, and would always explain things if she didn't understand something so that it never became came an issue!

 

If you're a newbie in the USAF and work around all the aircraft, you don't want to be sent to Supply to pick up a roll of Flight Line.

 

The Air Force at Kadena Air Base was either playing along and turning the tables on us, or they were as clueless as the newbee we sent up there to ask for a can of jet wash. He was gone a good part of the day, and when he came back, he didn't have the humiliated look we were expecting. In the back of the M109 van was a 55 gallon drum of CitriClean.

When the Gunner found out where this terrible orange smelling stuff had come from he decided it'd be a great idea if we scrubbed down the whole shop with the stuff every Thursday until it was gone.

The joke was definitely on us.

 

We were looking for that drum down at Kinser...

 

In the navy we would send the boots for sound powered phone batteries

 

I used to tell new guys to empty the air compressor because it would be lighter to lift.

 

In AF maintenance new airmen are usually sent to the NDI shop to get their steel toed boots checked for cracks.

 

Best one in the Navy was when the newbies were told to lay to the bilge to "see the sea bat".
I once had a newbie ET in my shop order some fallopian tubes.

 

In the salvage game we often tell the newbies to check the spud-well levels and top them off, tighten the headache ball on the crane,, or pump out the moon-pool.

 

As I read the different posts from you that were in the military I can't help but think how I would have been the guy that would have been on the other side of those pranks.

 

Yep, right up until you fell for it the first time. Others, who shall remain nameless, learn it in Boy Scout Camp when sent off looking for a smoke shifter.

 

Or until your first snipe hunt