Political Humor

Discussion in 'Politics' started by Legion489, Jul 3, 2016.


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  1. Legion489

    Legion489 Shining the Light of Truth

    Political Humor
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    GOG, Yard Dart, Motomom34 and 6 others like this.
  2. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN


    To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.


    In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
    Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.


    Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.


    To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:


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    1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').


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    2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'


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    3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.


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    4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.


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    5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.


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    6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.


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    7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.


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    8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.


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    9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.


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    10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.


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    11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).


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    12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.


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    13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.


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    14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).


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    15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.


    God Save the Queen!


    PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!
     
    GOG, oldawg, Tempstar and 1 other person like this.
  3. oldawg

    oldawg Monkey+++

    EGADS!!!! You just gave CHELL a weeks worth of browbeats against us. What where you thinking man?
     
    chelloveck likes this.
  4. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    It'll keep him busy and out of the rest of the forum?
    [peep]
     
    chelloveck and oldawg like this.
  5. oldawg

    oldawg Monkey+++

    Ah yes, good show. Carry on.
     
  6. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    It could be longer..... ;)

    upload_2016-7-8_7-25-54.
     
    oldawg likes this.
  7. 3M-TA3

    3M-TA3 Cold Wet Monkey

    Relax, @chelloveck There is so much corruption in the US that Hillary couldn't get indicted if she committed murder on live TV and took credit for it later. Anyone who doubted that before today no longer doubts it now. There is no way in hell that she won't get elected President - votes will be counted and recounted until she wins even if she didn't get a single vote. There is zero chance of a Trump Presidency.
     
    GOG and T. Riley like this.
  8. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    It's a pity Trump doesn't have a cousin in Florida who could adjust voter registrations his way....Dodgy deals done dirt cheap could work just as well for Donaldo as for Hillarity. Donaldo is a bilious-aire, so he keeps telling ( us ad nauseum); Perhaps he could offer free tuition and post graduate degrees at Trump University as an encouragement to trump friendly voters.... :ROFLMAO:
     
  9. Yard Dart

    Yard Dart Vigilant Monkey..... Moderator Site Supporter++

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  10. T. Riley

    T. Riley Monkey+++ Site Supporter++

    image.
     
    GOG likes this.
  11. T. Riley

    T. Riley Monkey+++ Site Supporter++

    image.
     
    Yard Dart likes this.
  12. T. Riley

    T. Riley Monkey+++ Site Supporter++

    image.
    Life imitating art.
     
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  13. T. Riley

    T. Riley Monkey+++ Site Supporter++

    image.
    Apparently there's a uniform you wear if you want to be an evil dictator.
     
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  14. T. Riley

    T. Riley Monkey+++ Site Supporter++

    image.
     
  15. T. Riley

    T. Riley Monkey+++ Site Supporter++

    image.
     
    Yard Dart, GOG and 3M-TA3 like this.
  16. T. Riley

    T. Riley Monkey+++ Site Supporter++

    Rare photo of Lincoln delivering the Getty's bird a dress.
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    GOG likes this.
  17. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

     
    Tempstar likes this.
  18. Cruisin Sloth

    Cruisin Sloth Special & Slow

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    BS Video
     
  19. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    They are his own words faithfully recorded....are you suggesting that il Drumpfe is lip synching to someone else's rhetoric??
     
  20. Minuteman

    Minuteman Chaplain Moderator Founding Member

    Good video. Should be a campaign commercial. Only a brain dead liberal kool aid drinker could think that was a gotcha piece. Everything he said was true. Only a kool aid head would think that being extremely successful in life somehow constitutes a negative in someone running for office. Says way more about the mental capacity of the one who created the video and those who promote it than that of its subject.
     
    3M-TA3 and Aeason like this.
  1. Legion489
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  5. MountainMariner
    Thread

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    Thread by: MountainMariner, Jul 8, 2016, 5 replies, in forum: Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions
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  10. TheJackBull
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    Thread by: TheJackBull, Mar 22, 2016, 9 replies, in forum: Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions
  11. Hanzo
    [IMG] If only...
    Thread by: Hanzo, Jan 26, 2016, 0 replies, in forum: Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions
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  18. chelloveck
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    Thread by: chelloveck, Oct 12, 2015, 8 replies, in forum: Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions
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