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Southern Thinking

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Seacowboys, Jun 21, 2008.

  1. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    Southern Thinking


    The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14% , how much would you take off?'

    The secretary thought a moment, and then replied,

    'Everything but my earrings.'

    ****************************************** *********************


    A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

    'Where's Henry?' the others asked.

    'Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail,' the successful hunter replied.'

    You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?' they inquired.

    'A tough call,' nodded the hunter.

    'But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!'

    **************************************** ***********************


    A senior at LSU was overheard saying
    , 'When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ..'
    When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.



    The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, 'Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!'
    Bubba replied, 'Did you see who it was?
    'The young man answered, 'I couldn't tell, but I got the license number.'



    A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65.
    The trooper asked, 'Got any ID?'
    The driver replied, 'Bout whut?'



    A man in Little Rock
    had a flat tire, pulled onto the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
    A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
    The man replied, 'I have a flat tire.'
    The passerby asked, 'But what's with the flowers?' The man responded, 'When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.'


    And my favorite:

    You can say what you want about the South,
    But you never hear of anyone retiring and moving North...

  2. Valkman

    Valkman Knifemaker Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    I do like that secretary...[boozingbuddies]
  3. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    Me too, but fixed incomes don't go that far -- :lol:[gone]
  4. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    There was a man who decided to write a book about the different churches of the United States. He flies to San Francisco and begins taking photographs in the very large Grace Cathedral. Suddenly he spot a golden telephone on a wall. Above it a sign reads $10,000 a minute.

    Intrigued, the writer seeks out the priest who explains that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven, and if he wants to use it, he can talk directly to God. "Thank you very much," the man says and continues on his way.

    His research takes him to churches in Milwaukee, Chicago and New York. Each time he notices the same type of phone with exactly the same sign. Each time he seeks out the parish priest, asks the same question, and gets the same answer: it is a direct line to God. He thanks the priest and continues on his way.

    This continues through many other states until finally, he arrives in Texas.
    Upon entering a small rural church he is about to walk right by the standard golden telephone when the sign above it grabs his attention. This time the sign reads "Calls 25 cents." By now he is fascinated. He finds the Pastor and says to him, "Sir, I have been in cities all across the country, and in each church I found this golden telephone and was told that it was a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God. But, in all of the other churches it was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 'Calls 25 cents.' Why?"
    The Pastor smiles benignly and says, "Oh, my son, that's easy. You're in the South now, it's a local call."
  5. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    Life is better barefoot....

    Not in a barnyard, it ain't ---
  6. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Good thing I live on the Beach , for now....

  7. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    I was waiting to hear something in reference to a kitchen from you, g. ;)
  8. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    heheheh. Did occur to me, but the other half of that is not up for a repeat.

  9. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    If it was the "other half" of that....

    I'd be a blur I'd be running so fast!


  10. andy

    andy Monkey+++

    God bless the South....
    i miss home
  11. Tango3

    Tango3 Aimless wanderer

  12. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    "There's things out there more terrifyin' than your imagination can conceive."[LMAO][applaud][LMAO]
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