Bubba went to a psychiatrist. " I've got problems." "Everytime I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. Im scared. I Think I'm going crazy." "Just put yourself in my hands for one year,"said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week,and we should be able to get rid of those fears." "How much do you charge?" "Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor." "I'll sleep on it," said Bubba. Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see about those fears you were having?" asked the psychiatrist. "Well Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money I went and bought me a new pickup!" "Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!! </DI V="">
Ah, where would we be without bartenders? They are the most overlooked in all of the professions. They have all types of skills. Advisor, a priest, a support group, and now psychiatry.
Heck, y'all - it works! My box spring and mattress are frameless (on the floor)- I got no fears of things under the bed! Wonder what the bartender knows about closet monsters . . .
I told my kids that the only monsters that actually existed were humans that didn't know the difference between right and wrong. All other monsters were pretend and that they could just pretend them away. My kids sleep well. I have friends who buy into the monster thing. I think it freaks the kids out to find that their parents really believe in the monsters under the bed (but that's just me). Here are some "remedies" for those monsters, usually used for those much younger, but you could try 'em: Mix water and something (anything with a nice smell) in a small spray bottle. Spray it in your room and say this poem; Monster in my closet, Monster under my bed, Better get ready to run & hide, Just one spray and you're dead! Another method is to put a picture of your monster (everyone's is different, ya' know) on the closet door and site this poem: Hey you monster Go fly a Kite Seawolf1090 will sleep well tonight! Are you ready to take my advice? Then go! Be gone! When I clap my hands twice! Now clap your hands twice. Your monsters will be gone. Good Luck!
When I was young I always checked under the bed for the monster! There was never one there, not ever! I grew up and went to Vietnam. There I saw the monster. He wasn't under the bed, now he lives in my head! The demon dancing in my head! Sometimes he wakes me up in the night, but he is never under the bed. So, what is under the bed, I'm afraid to look, but I know it isn't a monster.
I love that one Tracy, remind me of it here in a couple of years when my baby girl is old enough to worry about them. I will try that, or just let her have her own .45.
I also believe that the monsters aren't under my bed or in my closet. When I was a child my favorite book was 'Where The Wild Things Are'. I remember reading it so many times and wishing the 'monsters' would come and take me to live with them as opposed to living with the monsters that really scared the hell out of me. Let me tell you that alcoholic stepdads with evil intentions and short fuses are far more monstrous to me. Guess that's why I have a dark side complex. Just the thought of visiting justice upon the heads of those that caused me pain when I couldn't defend myself seems such a great idea, though I have to temper it with the knowledge that they will receive theirs in the end when all judgements are made. Okay, on to better things. Very educational. Corny though educational. I like the spray idea.
Jimmy Buffett has a song called "Vampires Mummies and the Holy Ghost".. "Those are things that terrify me the most.. No alien psychopath or MTV host Scares me like Vampires Mummies and the Holy Ghost.... Had a dream last night Took a time traveling ride Back to my childhood Where those monsters reside They snack on innocence And dine on self-esteem But I like to be in touch with what makes me scream ..." Your post, TMH, reminded me of that song....
