Actual Warning Labels.. "Dispose of contents after usage." - Found on disposable diapers. "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." - Found on a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists. "Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows." - Found on a box for a window air conditioner. "Warning: May contain nuts." - Found on peanut butter container. "Do not jump from vessel while moving." - Found on cruise-ship railing. "Do not use orally after using rectally." - Found in the instructions for an electric thermometer. "This broom does not actually fly." - Found on the label of a toy witch's broom. "Peel fruit from cellophane backing before eating." - Found on the package of a fruit roll-up snack. "For external use only." - Found on a curling iron. "For best results start with clean bathtub before use." - Found on a bottle of bathroom cleanser. "Do not drive with sunshield in place." - Found on a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard. "Warning: Contents are strong. For adult stomachs only." Found on a box of chocolates. "Do not eat toner." - Found on a toner cartridge for a laser printer. "Not intended for highway use." Found on a 13-inch wheel for a wheelbarrow. "Other side for use." - Label on the bottom of a cup. "Warning: May contain small parts." - Found on a Frisbee. "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." Found on a portable stroller. (My favorite....duh....) "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." - Found on a bottle of dog shampoo. "Warning: Grease in chips may cause anal leakage." - Found on a popular brand of potato chips.
More signs..and yes...they probably vote....... .. In an office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer while trying to remove a jammed piece of paper. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note. About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to...scroll down and see.....
Oh dear Lord.. PLEASE help me behave....... pssssst...and that one was just too good...I had to steal it... ;-)
I just saw the dumbest legal disclaimer EVER. There's a show called "it takes a thief" on the Discovery channel. Basically they have a thief come and break into your house to show you how easy it really is and then show you how you can make you house harder for a thief to get in. Here is the disclaimer, word for word, that runs at the beginning of the show: "THIS PROGRAM IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. PLEASE CONSULT WITH A HOME SECURITY EXPERT BEFORE TAKING ANY ACTION TO PROTECT YOUR HOME"
