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Here's Your Sign...

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Jun 2, 2007.


  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Actual Warning Labels..

    "Dispose of contents after usage." - Found on disposable diapers.

    "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." - Found on a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

    "Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows." - Found on a box for a window air conditioner.

    "Warning: May contain nuts." - Found on peanut butter container.

    "Do not jump from vessel while moving." - Found on cruise-ship railing.

    "Do not use orally after using rectally." - Found in the instructions for an electric thermometer.

    "This broom does not actually fly." - Found on the label of a toy witch's broom.

    "Peel fruit from cellophane backing before eating." - Found on the package of a fruit roll-up snack.

    "For external use only." - Found on a curling iron.

    "For best results start with clean bathtub before use." - Found on a bottle of bathroom cleanser.

    "Do not drive with sunshield in place." - Found on a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

    "Warning: Contents are strong. For adult stomachs only." Found on a box of chocolates.

    "Do not eat toner." - Found on a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

    "Not intended for highway use." Found on a 13-inch wheel for a wheelbarrow.

    "Other side for use." - Label on the bottom of a cup.

    "Warning: May contain small parts." - Found on a Frisbee.

    "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." Found on a portable stroller. (My favorite....duh....)

    "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." - Found on a bottle of dog shampoo.

    "Warning: Grease in chips may cause anal leakage." - Found on a popular brand of potato chips.
     
  2. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    See the contribution blondes have made to our society. Warning labels.
     
  3. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    [​IMG]


    I can't hear you......
     
  4. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    [LMAO]
     
  5. Blackjack

    Blackjack Monkey+++

    [LMAO][LMAO][LMAO][LMAO][LMAO][LMAO]

    Great list CRC!
     
  6. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    :lol: nice one
     
  7. TailorMadeHell

    TailorMadeHell Lurking Shadow Creature

    [fnny]
     
  8. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    More signs..and yes...they probably vote....... ..[angel]


    In an office:
    TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

    In a Laundromat:
    AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

    In an office:
    WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

    In an office:
    AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

    Outside a secondhand shop:
    WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

    Notice in health food shop window:
    CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

    Spotted in a safari park:
    ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

    Seen during a conference:
    FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

    Notice in a farmer's field:
    THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

    On a repair shop door:
    WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
     
  9. kckndrgn

    kckndrgn Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer while trying to remove a jammed piece of paper. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.

    About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.
    Attached is what he found.

    Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to...scroll down and see.....












    [​IMG]
     
  10. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Oh dear Lord..

    PLEASE help me behave....... :censored:







    [ROFL]


    pssssst...and that one was just too good...I had to steal it... ;-)
     
  11. MbRodge

    MbRodge Monkey+++

    I just saw the dumbest legal disclaimer EVER. There's a show called "it takes a thief" on the Discovery channel. Basically they have a thief come and break into your house to show you how easy it really is and then show you how you can make you house harder for a thief to get in. Here is the disclaimer, word for word, that runs at the beginning of the show:

    "THIS PROGRAM IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. PLEASE CONSULT WITH A HOME SECURITY EXPERT BEFORE TAKING ANY ACTION TO PROTECT YOUR HOME"
     
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