LDIES BUT GOODIES . . . Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest."Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," --Mariah Carey"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign."I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward."Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas. "Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle " It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another" George W Bush "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iaccca "I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version," --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony. "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein," --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst. "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor. "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina GO SOUTH CAROLINA!!!!!!!"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman And, my dear friends, these people make up our AMERICA of which we are so proud.
"In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep." "The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." A Einstein
I found a wonderful quote by Fitzhugh Mulan and I think we should all learn to live life with that attitude : " Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and learn to enjoy the journey. "
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!” ― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
How about Will Rogers? "People who get all there information from radio and newspapers are only slightly less informed than people who don't get news at all."
"The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot" - Salvador Dali "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" (Quote by - George Carlin)
http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/comedianjokes/rodneydangerfieldjokes.html Too many funny ones to choose from. Funniest guy ever!
Yogi Berra? Yeah, he had some good ones: 1. When you come to a fork in the road, take it. 2. You can observe a lot by just watching. 3. It ain’t over till it’s over. 4. It’s like déjà vu all over again. 5. No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded. 6. Baseball is 90% mental and the other half is physical. 7. A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. 8. Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours. 9. We made too many wrong mistakes. 10. Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until it was broken. 11. You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six. 12. You wouldn’t have won if we’d beaten you. 13. I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four. 14. Never answer an anonymous letter. 15. Slump? I ain’t in no slump… I just ain’t hitting. 16. How can you think and hit at the same time? 17. The future ain’t what it used to be. 18. I tell the kids, somebody’s gotta win, somebody’s gotta lose. Just don’t fight about it. Just try to get better. 19. It gets late early out here. 20. If the people don’t want to come out to the ballpark, nobody’s going to stop them. 21. We have deep depth. 22. Pair up in threes. 23. Why buy good luggage, you only use it when you travel. 24. You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.
You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm ~Collette In order for you to profit from your mistakes, you have to get out and make some
