Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Seacowboys, Jul 19, 2007.

  1. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    LDIES BUT GOODIES . . . Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
    "I would not live forever, because we should
    not live forever, because if we were supposed to live
    forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot
    live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
    --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest."Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
    all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
    to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
    death and stuff,"
    --Mariah Carey"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost
    a very important part of your life,"
    --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign."I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
    --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward."Outside of the killings, Washington has one of
    the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
    "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to
    death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
    --A congressional candidate in Texas. "Half this game is ninety percent mental."
    --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
    "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
    the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
    --Al Gore, Vice President "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
    --Dan Quayle " It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds
    could go one way or another"
    George W Bush
    "We've got to pause and ask ourselves:
    How much clean air do we need?"
    --Lee Iaccca

    "I was provided with additional input that was radically different
    from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version,"
    --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony. "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A
    genius is a guy like Norman Einstein,"
    --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst. "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply
    exclude certain types of people."
    --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor. "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may
    or may not occur."
    --Al Gore, VP
    "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
    --Keppel Enderbery "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992
    because we received notice that you passed away. May
    God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in
    your circumstances."
    --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
    GO SOUTH CAROLINA!!!!!!!"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
    in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
    heart throughout the night. And the next morning,
    when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
    --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

    And, my dear friends, these people make up
    our AMERICA of which we are so proud. :)

    SB21, Sapper John, Brokor and 6 others like this.
  2. Ganado

    Ganado Monkey+++

    Meat and Ura-Ki like this.
  3. Dunerunner

    Dunerunner Brewery Monkey Moderator

    Is that Norman's brother? :rolleyes:
    Brokor and Ura-Ki like this.
  4. MarleneK

    MarleneK Monkey

    I found a wonderful quote by Fitzhugh Mulan and I think we should all learn to live life with that attitude :
    " Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and learn to enjoy the journey. "
    Ganado likes this.
  5. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    Not one Yogi Berra quote???

  6. samiov84

    samiov84 Monkey

    it was one of the best days in my life - I just lived it, and didn't think about it at all
  7. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

    Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!”
    Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
    Dunerunner and Gator 45/70 like this.
  8. Meat

    Meat Monkey+++

    Funniest guy ever!
  9. Legion489

    Legion489 Rev. 2:19 Banned

    How about Will Rogers? "People who get all there information from radio and newspapers are only slightly less informed than people who don't get news at all."
  10. Gator 45/70

    Gator 45/70 Monkey+++

    Gen. Mathias? Has some doozies'
  11. Brokor

    Brokor Live Free or Cry Moderator Site Supporter+++ Founding Member

    "The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot" - Salvador Dali

    "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" (Quote by - George Carlin)
  12. Meat

    Meat Monkey+++

    Dunerunner and Ganado like this.
  13. Tempstar

    Tempstar Monkey+++

    "Tell Mr. Taggert I said....Owww!"
  14. Ganado

    Ganado Monkey+++

    Burning down others' opinions doesn't make us right, it makes us arsonists.~ Bob Goff
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2018
  15. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    Yogi Berra? Yeah, he had some good ones:
    1. When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

    2. You can observe a lot by just watching.

    3. It ain’t over till it’s over.

    4. It’s like déjà vu all over again.

    5. No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.

    6. Baseball is 90% mental and the other half is physical.

    7. A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.

    8. Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.

    9. We made too many wrong mistakes.

    10. Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until it was broken.

    11. You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.

    12. You wouldn’t have won if we’d beaten you.

    13. I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four.

    14. Never answer an anonymous letter.

    15. Slump? I ain’t in no slump… I just ain’t hitting.

    16. How can you think and hit at the same time?

    17. The future ain’t what it used to be.

    18. I tell the kids, somebody’s gotta win, somebody’s gotta lose. Just don’t fight about it. Just try to get better.

    19. It gets late early out here.

    20. If the people don’t want to come out to the ballpark, nobody’s going to stop them.

    21. We have deep depth.

    22. Pair up in threes.

    23. Why buy good luggage, you only use it when you travel.

    24. You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.
  16. Merkun

    Merkun furious dreamer

    That one has me roaring every time I hear or see it used. So wrong -----
  17. Ganado

    Ganado Monkey+++

    You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm ~Collette

    In order for you to profit from your mistakes, you have to get out and make some
    SB21 and Gator 45/70 like this.
  18. Gator 45/70

    Gator 45/70 Monkey+++

    What can a goose do,But a duck can't do,But a lawyer should do.

    Stick his bill up his a**
    SB21 and oldawg like this.
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