Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Seacowboys, Jul 19, 2007.

  1. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    LDIES BUT GOODIES . . . Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
    "I would not live forever, because we should
    not live forever, because if we were supposed to live
    forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot
    live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
    --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest."Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
    all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
    to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
    death and stuff,"
    --Mariah Carey"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost
    a very important part of your life,"
    --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign."I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
    --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward."Outside of the killings, Washington has one of
    the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
    "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to
    death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
    --A congressional candidate in Texas. "Half this game is ninety percent mental."
    --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
    "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
    the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
    --Al Gore, Vice President "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
    --Dan Quayle " It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds
    could go one way or another"
    George W Bush
    "We've got to pause and ask ourselves:
    How much clean air do we need?"
    --Lee Iaccca

    "I was provided with additional input that was radically different
    from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version,"
    --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony. "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A
    genius is a guy like Norman Einstein,"
    --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst. "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply
    exclude certain types of people."
    --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor. "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may
    or may not occur."
    --Al Gore, VP
    "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
    --Keppel Enderbery "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992
    because we received notice that you passed away. May
    God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in
    your circumstances."
    --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
    GO SOUTH CAROLINA!!!!!!!"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
    in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
    heart throughout the night. And the next morning,
    when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
    --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

    And, my dear friends, these people make up
    our AMERICA of which we are so proud. :)
  2. Ganado

    Ganado Monkey+++

    Meat and Ura-Ki like this.
  3. Dunerunner

    Dunerunner Brewery Monkey Moderator

    Is that Norman's brother? :rolleyes:
    Brokor and Ura-Ki like this.
  4. MarleneK

    MarleneK Monkey

    I found a wonderful quote by Fitzhugh Mulan and I think we should all learn to live life with that attitude :
    " Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and learn to enjoy the journey. "
    Ganado likes this.
  5. chelloveck

    chelloveck Captain Didactic!

    Not one Yogi Berra quote???

    Legion489, Meat and Ganado like this.
  6. samiov84

    samiov84 Monkey

    it was one of the best days in my life - I just lived it, and didn't think about it at all
  7. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

    Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!”
    Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
    Gator 45/70 likes this.
  8. Meat

    Meat Monkey++

    Funniest guy ever!
    Ganado, 3M-TA3 and chelloveck like this.
  9. Legion489

    Legion489 Rev. 2:19 Banned

    How about Will Rogers? "People who get all there information from radio and newspapers are only slightly less informed than people who don't get news at all."
  10. Gator 45/70

    Gator 45/70 Monkey+++

    Gen. Mathias? Has some doozies'
  11. Brokor

    Brokor Live Free or Cry Moderator Site Supporter+++ Founding Member

    "The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot" - Salvador Dali

    "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" (Quote by - George Carlin)
    Gator 45/70, Ganado and Meat like this.
  12. Meat

    Meat Monkey++

    Ganado likes this.
  13. Tempstar

    Tempstar Invented Politically Incorrect Site Supporter+

    "Tell Mr. Taggert I said....Owww!"
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