The 12 Politically Correct Days of Christmas On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a monogamous relationship between consenting adults gave to me: TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18 member orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note), TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping, NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression, EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk products from enslaved Bovine Britons, SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands, SIX enslaved Fowl Britons producing stolen non-human animal products, FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (Note: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the Calling Birds, French Hens and Partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-Briton enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised. FOUR hours of recorded whale songs THREE deconstructionist poets, TWO Sierra Club calenders printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and ... ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree. Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Blessed Ramadan, Good Kwanzaa, Blessed Yule and happy holidays!!! (unless otherwise prohibited by law).* * Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this is the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with the suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.