Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Moon, May 28, 2009.
So this three-legged dog walks into a saloon and says:
I'm a' lookin' for the guy that shot my paw
Oh God; Tracy?
heh heh heh.
Many years ago I had this crazy idea about writing a novel about the Civil War but then suddenly it was all gone with the wind.
Did no one warn Moon about getting me started?
No, but now I guess I know
Here we go --
One of my fav's (when telling, I usually start with Did you hear about the recent shooting?):
Police found a criminal shot to death with exit wounds but no entry wounds...
They determined that it was an inside job.
~giggle some more~
He swallowed the bullets and then got
all hot and bothered ,I'm guessing here.
Hmmm... I thought he must've been shooting his mouth off.
A bear walked into a bar and said, "Could I have a.................................... beer?"
The bartender said, "Why the big paws?"
News Flash: Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
Did you read about the lady who backed into a plane propeller? Disaster!
(sound it out people... don't make me explain it!)
Then there was the cow that tried to jump over a barbed wire fence. Udder distruction --
Ok Tracy......... I know you're just seeing how long it takes to give me an aneurysm.
You know what you call a cow with no legs?
Sorry, Blackjack. That thought did stand out in my mind. If it's any consolation; before I post puns anymore, I do think of you and the pain it must cause. Just keep in mind; A poetic hack anapest iamb, but it could be verse.
Weapons of Math Instruction and the AL-Gebra Movement..
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F.Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.
He did not identify the man , who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isos Celes used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.
heh heh... Weapons of math instruction...
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