20 Things my friend learned from shopping on "Black Fri

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Nov 25, 2005.

  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member


    1-There is NO recession.

    2-People don't give a damn what they look like in the morning. many of them don't care what they look like at ANY time of day, for that matter

    3-Anyone who drags their screaming 2 & 3 year olds to stores full of cheapskates at 5:00 in the morning do NOT need to breed.

    4-There is NO recession.

    5-All girls/women between the ages of 16 and 30 should be given a choice-
    and if they choose the latter, they should never EVER be allowed to drive over 45 miles per hour or get within 150 feet of the rear of any other vehicle on any street or highway

    6-All men/boys between the ages of 16 and 30 who have no physical handicaps should NOT be allowed to park in the first 100 rows of ANY store on Black Friday.

    7-There is NO recession.

    8-People are CHEAP!!! (not that there's anything wrong with that-one of my greatest assets is my stinginess)

    9-If a sale seems too good to be true, IT IS!!!

    10-If you tell your teen-ager you bought his/her pants/slacks from K-Mart/Wal Mart/Target, they'll burn them the first time you aren't looking.
    If you tell him/her that same item is from Abercrombie & Fitch, they'll wear it every day for a month.

    11-There is NO recession.

    12-The anchor stores (J.C. Penney, Younkers, Dillards, Sears, etc.) could sell every item in their stores on Black Friday for 95% off the retail price, and sell coffee & donuts to all their customers for $50.00 apiece, and they'd STILL make a profit.

    13-People find out on Black Friday just how over-rated sleep is.
    (This goes hand-in-hand with # 2 above).

    14-Any guy who buys his wife/girlfriend (or both) ANYTHING from Victoria's Secret (on Black Friday or any other day) should be forced to WEAR any and all items bought in front of every shopper in the store/mall on that particular day.

    15-There is NO recession.

    16-A car dealership that advertises a free 2005 Chevrolet/Ford, etc., with the purchase of a $20,000.00 sausage & cheese biscuit on Black Friday should probably be avoided.

    17-People who maintain that stores should offer day care on Black Friday need to get a clue.

    18-People who buy 147 rolls of toilet paper from Sam's Club to save .43 cents need to get a clue. (Or quit eating chili on Thanksgiving).

    19-People who tell the world to go to hell and stay in bed on Black Friday are my heroes.

    20-There is NO recession.
  2. monkeyman

    monkeyman Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    I wouldnt be caught in the stores today if the stuff was free...unless maybe it was a gun shop, but thats beside the point...I even avoided bothering to go to the hardware store today to avoid the stupidity.
  3. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member


    I needed something from Walgreens at lunch...and figured it would wait..

    My friend, Garry..really emailed me that today...

    I can't believe his wife talked him in to going out today..of all days.

    There is not enough money in the world to get me out shopping on this day....I don't even like shopping..much less today...... [winkthumb]
  4. Clyde

    Clyde Jet Set Tourer Administrator Founding Member

    Commencing internet shopping........................Now!
  5. monkeyman

    monkeyman Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    I know the feeling, Im a typical male in that sense. If I need something from the store I go in and get it and go but its deffinatly NOT a hobby. The only places I 'window shop' at all any of the time is cutlary shops, gun shops, and sporting goods departments, and I wont make a trip just for that (other than I may make a stop if going past a nice gun shop just to drool) its just a matter of I MAY stop off in those areas if Im already there or look around after I already have what I need or go hang out in those areas if Tina drags me to Walmart with her when she has money and a need to shop.
    As far as going out on the biggest shoping day of the year...I thought about the hardware store since MOST of the insane shoppers tend to be female and less interested in hardware stores, but decided even that could wait. Like I say though, I suppose if a gun shop was haveing a sale of 90% or so off I might have to make an exception just because it would be one of the only times I could even maybe afford to get a lot of the topys I want.
  6. sniper-66

    sniper-66 Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    I had to wade out into that melee because our gas stove has a problem. After dealing with the business, we decided to go to Penny's because we desperately need curtains for our house. I chose to put the baby in a chest carrier, probably the smartest thing I did all day. I would be walking down a aisle and women four abreast wouldn't move and bump into us. I then took a linebacker posture, put my forearm in front of me like a Roman salute, and tucked my head. If you were ignorant enough to run into my forarm, I stood my ground. Really wished I had my .45, not to shoot anyone, just to have some weight so when I hit them in the head, they would feel it.
    One woman saw me coming and wouldn't budge, I was going to have to step out of the aisle. I put the forearm up, tucked the head and turned slightly away and kept walking. When she hit my forearm, it caused her to drop her two bags. Her friend called me a asshole and I just looked at her and said, "get some respect" Won't ever take my infant in that kind of crap ever again!
  7. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    A man after my own heart. I've been known to drop a shoulder on wandering grocery store idiots, and did it a few times to skateboarders that were out of control. (That was FUN.). There is a time to give ground, and a time to stand. When it comes to store aisle blunderers, the time is NOW. (Cell phone users included. Except on the roads, my pickup is not big enough. But oh, my!! The next pickup might be a dually ---.) Tomorrow will find me in the grocery store. Sure hope the idiots are all at Wal-Mart, I feel a case of aisle rage coming on. [beer]
  8. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Now there's a man after my own heart!

    That is how I do my Christmas shopping....I refuse to go out there...It's scary! :shock:
  9. sniper-66

    sniper-66 Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Oh crap, I forgot the best story of the day. I was at Petco buying a water bottle for my parrot. I was walking up front and this five year old boy comes walking by. I was thinking, kinda young to not have a parent near by. No sooner got that thought in my head and a cell phone rings. The kid takes the phone off his clip and answers it!!! Then I hear him say as he is walking by, " I know mom, I will be there in a minute" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  10. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member



    No freaking way am I going out there...... :rolleyes:
  11. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    wow :shock:
  12. sniper-66

    sniper-66 Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    OK folks, I have to ask for your forgivness, I have lied to all of you. We went back into the melee again with kid in tow because we reeeeallly needed those curtains. Wasn't quite as bad as Idiot Friday, but this time I learned my lesson on how to get around. Gave the kid to the wife and then walked in front and blocked a path for her. Worked pretty good!
  13. TailorMadeHell

    TailorMadeHell Lurking Shadow Creature

    I don't know what the Black Friday means, though I am a short bulldozer. When I'm out walking with my friend, he gets on my nerves. Crowded streets and lots of people tend to get on my nerves, I guess I'm a little anti-social and a lot anti-crowds. My friend is a Marine who served his time, he's as big as any linebacker and he is 6'1" tall. He'll walk behind people talking on cell phones and sunday walkers without getting bothered. Me, I'm the typical 'Act like you have somewhere to go' person. I'm only 5'5", 140 and I can't stand walking behind slow people. If they don't get out of the way I have been known to do shoulder charges. With the exception of if they are old or lamed. Then I'll just clear my throat and if that doesn't get their attention I'll just state that someone should legalize Euthanasia. Pretty much does the trick. Okay, so I'm morbid or just depraved. Society has made me that way. Haha.
  14. E.L.

    E.L. Moderator of Lead Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    It is the day after Thanksgiving when all of the shoppers are out.
  15. TailorMadeHell

    TailorMadeHell Lurking Shadow Creature

    See, live and learn something new everyday.
  16. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    It's one of the scariest days of the year..

    10 times , 100 times , worse than Halloween...Yikes! :eek:
  17. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Time to bring this one back up....

    I , for one, intend to stay in bed and tell the retailers where they can go. :D
  18. Wild Trapper

    Wild Trapper Pirate Biker

    "Black Friday" No way would a go shopping in that mob. My wife has, but when she asks me I "just say no!"

    Some rules I have are:
    I don't buy my wife clothes, unless she tried 'em on and says she like 'em.
    I never buy her anything for the house... ever. The house doesn't need a Christmas gift! I do buy "us" something for the house only on mutual agreement.
    I can always give her cash, so far she has never refused that, even though I'd buy her anything she wants, (within reasonable cost), anything she wants or needs, anytime, doesn't need to be a gift. So far she has never said to take it back either.;)
    Food is safe too as long as it's something she loves but usually won't buy cause it's something I don't care for.:sick:
    Doing things around the house like laundry or dishes is also appreciated. I despise running the sweeper, so if I offer she likes that. Some gifts can be given and enjoyed anytime of the year.

    My wife is rather fond of re-gifting things she receives that she doesn't like, she'll not even open the package, just stuff it in her "goodie box" and at some time find someone to pass it off on. :D So far nothing has came back to her. [ROFL]
  19. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    It's Football day around here!

    We're playing quarter-finals.

  20. Tango3

    Tango3 Aimless wanderer

    screw Affluenza and marketting.[reddevil]
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