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2011 Darwin Award winners.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by ghrit, Jan 20, 2012.

  1. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    It's with great pleasure that I announce.....
    it's that time again....The Darwin Awards are out! These Annual Honors
    are given to the persons who did the human gene pool the biggest
    service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

    You may recall that last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by
    a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to
    tip a free soda out.

    Semifinalist #1

    A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply
    because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
    milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited
    into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire
    burned his house down, killing both he and his sister.

    Semifinalist #2

    Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
    when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
    occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft
    and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants
    around their ankles.

    Semifinalist #3

    A 22-year-old Reston , VA man was found dead after he tried to use
    octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax
    County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of
    these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the
    other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park , jumped and hit the
    pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police
    spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car
    was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was
    greater than the distance between the trestle and the concrete,"
    Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major

    Semifinalist #4

    A man in Alabama died from numerous rattlesnake bites. It seems that he
    and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a
    ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was
    hospitalized, but lived.

    Semifinalist #5

    Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
    of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,
    extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
    After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas
    company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they
    had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of
    the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
    technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that
    resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like
    object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to
    three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter
    was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of
    the blast had never been thought of as ''especially bright'' by his

    And now the winner of this year's Darwin Award; as always, awarded

    THE 2011 WINNER!

    Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in
    the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The
    wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The
    type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.

    Police investigators finally pieced together
    the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist had somehow gotten hold of a
    JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off...actually a solid-fuel rocket) that
    is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for
    taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out
    into the desert and
    found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to
    the car,
    jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!

    The facts as best could be determined are that the operator of the 1967
    Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles
    from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted
    asphalt at that location.

    The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust
    within 5
    seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph
    and continuing at full power for an additional 20 -25 seconds.

    The driver, and soon-to-be pilot, would have experienced G-forces
    usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners,
    causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
    However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5
    (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the
    blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface,
    then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the
    cliff face at a height of 125 feet, leaving a blackened crater 3 feet
    deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable.

    Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground
    speed of
    approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on
    the ground.

    Really.....we couldn't make this stuff up and remember these people are
    all around us and they have kids and they vote!
  2. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

  3. VisuTrac

    VisuTrac Ваша мать носит военные ботинки Site Supporter+++

    isn't the JATO dude the same guy that won it in 1995,1997,'03,06,'07,'08,2011 and 2012.
    I've heard of resurrection but I don't think this is it.
    I think this was debunked years ago and even on myth busters.
  4. Seawolf1090

    Seawolf1090 Adventure Riding Monkey Founding Member

    Yep, it seems each year the same idiots get paraded out again. Surely we can find some new dead idiots to laugh at....?

    Anybody ever see the TV series "1000 Ways To DIe"? Some really gross and wierd ways people off themselves. Some plain stupid, some just very unlucky!
  5. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    Some jokes are funny once, some funny forever. This one is good once a year.
    VisuTrac likes this.
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