A Night Out With The Boys...

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Nov 26, 2005.

  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    y'all may as well print this out now... ;)

    Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:________________________

    I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest authority in my life for the following period:_________________
    Time of return:__________
    Date:__________ Time of departure:_________ NOT to exceed:_______

    Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the locations stated below, at the stated times. I agree to refrain from hitting on or flirting with other women. I shall not even speak to another female, except as expressly permitted in writing below. I will not turn off my mobile after two pints, nor shall I consume above the allowed volume of alcohol without first phoning for a taxi AND calling you for a verbal waiver of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even if permission is granted to go out, my girlfriend/fiancé/wife retains the right to be pissed off with me the following week for no valid reason whatsoever.

    Amount of alcohol allowed (units) Beer:_____ Wine:______ Liquor:_____ Total:______

    Locations to be visited:_________________

    Females with whom conversation is permitted:_____________

    IMPORTANT – STRIPPER CLAUSE: Notwithstanding the female contact permitted above, I promise to refrain from coming within one hundred (100) feet of a stripper or exotic dancer. Violation of this Stripper Clause shall be grounds for immediate termination of the relationship.

    I acknowledge my position in life. I know who wears the trousers in our relationship, and I agree it’s not me. I promise to abide by your rules & regulations. I understand that this is going to cost me a fortune in chocolates & flowers. You reserve the right to obtain and use my credit cards whenever you wish to do so. I hereby promise to take you to a Michael Bolton concert, should I not return home by the approved time. On my way home, I will not pick a fight with any stranger, nor shall I conduct in depth discussions with the said entity. Upon my return home, I promise not to urinate anywhere other than in the toilet. In addition, I will refrain from waking you up, breathing my vile breath in your face, and attempting to breed like a (drunken) rabbit.

    I declare that to the best of my knowledge (of which I have none compared to my BETTER half), the above information is correct.
    Signed - Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:____________________

    Request is: APPROVED / DENIED

    This decision is not negotiable. If approved, cut permission slip below and carry at all times.
    Permission for my boyfriend/fiancé/husband to be away for the following period of time:
    Date:___________ Time of departure:_________________ Time of return:_____________

    Signed – Girlfriend/Fiancé/Wife:_________________
  2. monkeyman

    monkeyman Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    lol Yeah right, I get one of those I would be headed STRAIGHT for those strippers and exotic dancers without the permission slip and might just bring one of them home. b:: :D
  3. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    [ditto] [ROFL]

    If that sort of condition is laid on me, even once, I'll sign it. Then color me gone --. Grumble, grumble, controlling grumble, me go now -- [troll] [beat] [tng2]
  4. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    [no] [no] [no]
  5. monkeyman

    monkeyman Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Yup, now dont get me wrong...it dont work the other way iether. Ill let my significant other know my general plan and a ball park of when to expect me back (before to late, late, or whatever) and give a call if it turns out that before to late turns into crashing elsewhere just so she knows not to worry or when to start looking and expect the same, but never was much for asking permission of ANYONE since about the time I got my own money and transportation.
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