A pirate walks into a local bar that he hasn't frequented in some time. The bartender recognizes him and exclaims "My gosh man, what happened to you?" Pirate-"Not much matey, just been busy" Bartender-"But what about that wooden leg, you didn't have that last time you were here?" Pirate-"Oh that. Well ya see we was in a battle and a cannon ball took mah leg off. But I be fine now." Bartender-"But what about that hook?" Pirate- "Oh that, well I was in a sword fight and me opponent he cut of me hand. But I got this here hook and I be fine now." Bartender- "What about the patch over you eye, that's new too." Pirate- "Oh yeah that. Well ya see I was aboard ship and I heard this commotion up in the riggin. I looked up to see this flock a sea gulls up there and one of em crapped right in mah eye." Bartender-"A little bird poop caused you to lose your eye?" Pirate-"This bloody hook takes some gettin used to!"