Original Work A short story

Discussion in 'Survival Reading Room' started by DKR, Jun 19, 2013.

  1. DKR

    DKR Raconteur of the first stripe

    Posted for your enjoyment, all rights reserved, everything is fictional except, of course, where it isn't.
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2021
    duane, bagpiper, oldawg and 11 others like this.
  2. enloopious

    enloopious Rocket Surgeon

    Good writing style. I found it very entertaining. I was hoping for a funny twist at the end and I think you could have made it a bit longer if you added him realizing that there was a flaw in the NASA man's story and him going back to investigate and finding out that there was a large vein of gold or oil or something of the sort but overall I liked it.
  3. DKR

    DKR Raconteur of the first stripe

    Thank you for the kind words and to everyone for the 'likes'.

    Possible parable found in the story?

    Here is a guy that has spent his whole life trying to get away from modern society/technology only to have it fall in on his head.

    No man (or person) is an island.
    bagpiper likes this.
  4. goinpostal

    goinpostal Monkey+++

    Thats just the first chapter,RIGHT!!
    Thank You for sharing.
  5. ChrisNuttall

    ChrisNuttall Monkey+++

    I hope so too. Very good read.

  6. mysterymet

    mysterymet Monkey+++

    I would have hoped that he had more than a couple suitcases to move. It'd take more than that to move my self defense collection and I figure any farmer from texas' collection should put mine to shame! Nice start. Hope you keep going.
  7. DKR

    DKR Raconteur of the first stripe

    (Blush) Very high praise indeed from such an author as yourself - thank you.

    I have two different series books in work - one for the World of the Chernyi and one for the Roll Call series. If that isn't enough, if just accepted a position as the tech writer for a major outfit here locally.
    The little tale I posted was one of those things that come to you in the morning as you wake up and wonder...What if?

    I had some free time and wrote it up, posting it here... Think of this as a story from something like Grimm's Fairy Tales, albeit more modern. Perhaps more will come to me - short enough to work up on a weekend.
    Again, thanks to everyone for the kind feedback.
  8. UncleMorgan

    UncleMorgan I like peeling bananas and (occasionally) people.

    That's a nice little story, and an enjoyable writing style. I think you could easily grow it a bit if you wanted to. It's a great starting point for a novel.
  9. bagpiper

    bagpiper Heretic

    Wonderful short story! ... inspiring me to post some of mine...
    Anyway, the only thing I would edit, is; "I'm from the government, and I'm here to help."
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