no way am I taking credit for this one....from a "friend"... An Irishman walked into his local pub one night for a drink or two and saw that they were having a "Best Toast" contest with a $500 prize. Feeling that he can hold his own with toasts he signs up. When it is his turn, he walks up to the mike and says "Here's to me and here's to my wife may I be lying 'tween her legs for the rest of my life". To thunderous applause, and unanimous approval he wins the contest and is handed the $500 check. Elated, he rushes home and tells his wife the he won the the toast contest at the bar and won $500. His wife is thrilled and asks what toast he gave. Realizing he can't really tell her what he said he adjust it and says "Here's to me and here's to my wife, may I be sitting by her side in church for the rest of my life". Quizzically she looks at him, but says "That's sweet honey." The next day in town she runs into Dave, her husbands friend who says "Congrats on your husband winning the toast contest." She agrees and says "Yes, it is terrific and he told me all about it, but I am confused as he has only been there once in 4 years and then I had to yank him by the ears to make him come."