1. The Topic of the Month for October is "Make this the Perfect Bugout Location". Please join the discussion in the TOTM forum.

ANAA is here!!!

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by ghrit, Sep 7, 2016.

  1. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    The ANAA Is Finally Here!

    The ANAA With the *Americans With No Abilities Act (“ANAA”), President Barack Obama and the Democratic Senate are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many more Americans.

    The Americans with No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition. "Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Sen. Barbara Boxer.

    "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favours to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."

    In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance.

    At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent). Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created with important-sounding titles, but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance. Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees.

    The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

    Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?" "

    As a non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember righty tightly, lefty loosey. "This new law should be real good for people like me. I'll finally have job security." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

    Said Sen. Dick Durbin, II, "As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so."

    *This message was approved by Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Diane Feinstein, Barbara Boxer, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Barack Obama.
  2. 3M-TA3

    3M-TA3 Cold Wet Monkey

    No joke - it's the vast majority of public employees
    Ura-Ki, Aeason, Tully Mars and 3 others like this.
  3. Sgt Nambu

    Sgt Nambu Monkey

    I'm just guessing that they will use the US military as the first test dummy (no pun intended) for this far reaching, social experiment!
    Ura-Ki likes this.
  4. enloopious

    enloopious Rocket Surgeon

  5. Altoidfishfins

    Altoidfishfins Monkey++

    Don't give the Democrats any dammed ideas!
    Ura-Ki, Yard Dart and Aeason like this.
  6. marlas1too

    marlas1too Monkey++

    oh great more free handouts
    Aeason and Ura-Ki like this.
  7. Legion489

    Legion489 Shining the Light of Truth

    I can see how this would be of great use to some.
    Aeason and Ura-Ki like this.
  8. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grudge Monkey

    They have been doing that ever since I was in! Couldn't believe how many rock weddings we had during basic, due to the sheer number of dudes that didn't know their right from their left!
    Aeason, smithcp2002 and Sgt Nambu like this.
  9. Sgt Nambu

    Sgt Nambu Monkey

    ^^^^ True, either dead, stoned stupid, or soap and water challenged!!!o_O :cautious:
    Aeason, Ura-Ki and smithcp2002 like this.
  10. secondrecon

    secondrecon Monkey+ Site Supporter++

  11. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grudge Monkey

    Tizz True, every word!
    Aeason and Sgt Nambu like this.
  12. arleigh

    arleigh Goophy monkey

    Democrats prove, stupid wins again. and drives the country deeper in the pit.
    Ura-Ki and Aeason like this.
survivalmonkey SSL seal        survivalmonkey.com warrant canary