Saturday morning I got up early to go fishing, guietly dressed, made a sack lunch, and slipped into the garage. I got into my truck, pushed the garage door opener button, and preceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing at least 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage and turned on the radio, and discovered the weather was forecast to be bad all day. . I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wifes back, now with a different anticipation, kissed her on the neck and whispered, "the weather out there is terrible today." My loving wife of 5 years then replied, "Can you believe, my stupid husband is out there fishing in that?" . AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED... . . I took my wife to a new local high class restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the 16 ounce t bone steak medium rare please." I said. The waiter replyed, "aren't you worried about mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." I stated. . AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED... . . My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion. I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "do you know her?" "Yes," I sighed, "She is my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking heavily right after we split up those many years ago, and hasn't been sober since." . "My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating for that long." . AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED.... . . My wife was hinting about what she wanted for her upcoming birthday. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds. . I bought her a new chrome bathroom scale. . AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED.... . . My wife sat down next to me one evening on the couch as I was flipping through the channels with the TV remote. She asked, "What's on TV?" . "Dust", I replied. . AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED.... . . My wife and I were watching "Who wants to be a Millionaire" in our bedroom as we lay in bed. I turned to her and asked, "would you like to have sex?" . "NO," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" Without even looking at me this time she simply stated, "yes". . So I said, "Well then, I would like to phone a friend!" . AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED..... . . After retiring and then reaching 65, I went to the Social Security office to apply for social security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I patted my pockets, and realized I had forgoten and left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and get my wallet and come back later. The woman said, "unbutton your shirt." So, I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She smiled, and said, "that silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me." and, she processed my Social Security application. . When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. . She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too." . AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED.... . . My wife was standing nude, looking at herself in the bedroom mirror one evening. She was not happy with what she saw, and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look fat and ugly. .... I really need you to pay me a compliment." . "Well," I said, "Your eyesight with those glasses is damn near perfect." . AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED.... . . . Let that be a lesson to all of you, whenever asked a question, and an answer immediately pops to mind, count to 5 in your head, and consider if you really want to say what you are thinking....LOL
Went into a Jewellers with the wife, when the store keeper asked what he could do for me, I said "I'd like a watch for the wife" and he said he was sorry but they didn't do swaps. And then the fight started!!!!
