Anger Management

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by E.L., Aug 10, 2005.

  1. E.L.

    E.L. Moderator of Lead Moderator Emeritus Founding Member


    When I have the occasional bad day and need to take it out on someone, I don't take it out on my loved ones anymore...

    I got the idea one day when I was sitting at my desk & remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number & dialed it.

    A man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. May I please speak with Robin Carter?"

    Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number & called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number.

    After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number
    again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a$$h*le!" & hung up.

    I wrote his number down with the word 'You're an a$$h*le' next to it, & put it in my desk drawer.

    Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up & yell, "You're an a$$h*le!" It always
    cheered me up.

    When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'You're an a$$h*le' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number & said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're interested in the Caller ID program?"

    He yelled, "NO!" & slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back & said, "That's because you're an You're an a$$h*le!"

    One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking
    spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off & pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn & yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me.

    I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.

    A couple of days later, right after calling the first a$$h*le, (I
    had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW a$$h*le, too.

    I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
    "Yes, it is."
    "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
    "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, & the car's parked right out in front."
    "What's your name?" I asked.

    "My name is Don Hansen," he said.
    "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
    "I'm home every evening after five."
    "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
    "Don, you're an a$$h*le." Then I hung up, & added his number to my speed dial, too.

    Now, when I had a problem, I had two a$$h*les to call. But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called A$$h*le #1.


    "You're an a$$h*le!" (But I didn't hang up.)

    "Are you still there?" he asked.

    "Yeah," I said.
    "Stop calling me," he screamed.
    "Make me," I said.
    "Who are you?" he asked.
    "My name is Don Hansen."
    "Yeah? Where do you live?"
    "A$$h*le, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."
    He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don & you had better start saying your prayers."
    I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a$$h*le."

    Then I called A$$h*le #2.

    "Hello?" he said.
    "Hello, a$$h*le," I said.
    He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are!"
    "You'll what?" I said.
    "I'll kick your a$$," he exclaimed.
    I answered, "Well, a$$h*le, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

    Then I hung up & immediately called the police, saying that I
    lived at 1802 West 34th Street, & that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

    Then I called Channel 2 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.

    I quickly got into my car & headed over to 34th street.
    There I saw two a$$h*les beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, & a news crew.

    NOW, I feel better. This anger management $h*t really works!
  2. Minuteman

    Minuteman Chaplain Moderator Founding Member

    Too funny!!
  3. monkeyman

    monkeyman Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    I love it, I wonder if my girl friend could use that and stop yelling at everyone else in the house.
  4. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    Ohhh, this is different than the Going Postal Training in the USPS.
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