ANGER MANAGEMENT! When I have the occasional bad day and need to take it out on someone, I don't take it out on my loved ones anymore... I got the idea one day when I was sitting at my desk & remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number & dialed it. A man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. May I please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number & called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a$$h*le!" & hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'You're an a$$h*le' next to it, & put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up & yell, "You're an a$$h*le!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'You're an a$$h*le' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number & said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're interested in the Caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" & slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back & said, "That's because you're an You're an a$$h*le!" One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off & pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn & yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first a$$h*le, (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW a$$h*le, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, & the car's parked right out in front." "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after five." "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Don, you're an a$$h*le." Then I hung up, & added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two a$$h*les to call. But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called A$$h*le #1. "Hello." "You're an a$$h*le!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed. "Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked. "My name is Don Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you live?" "A$$h*le, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don & you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a$$h*le." Then I called A$$h*le #2. "Hello?" he said. "Hello, a$$h*le," I said. He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are!" "You'll what?" I said. "I'll kick your a$$," he exclaimed. I answered, "Well, a$$h*le, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up & immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, & that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 2 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. I quickly got into my car & headed over to 34th street. There I saw two a$$h*les beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, & a news crew. NOW, I feel better. This anger management $h*t really works!
