Archery is for kids

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by ghrit, May 27, 2012.


  1. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    [FONT=&quot]I can see how this sport might interest 10 yr old boys, because they like ACTION:
    ============================

    Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumbich.

    That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place. Keep in mind this was 99.999% humidity swampland so there really wasn't any fire danger... Ill put it this way...a set of post-hole diggers and a 3ft. hole and you had yourself a well.

    One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I looked over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether). The light bulb went off... I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought that it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner... lets face it to a 10 yr. old mouth-breather like myself, ether really doesn't "sound" flammable. So, I went back into the house and got a 1-pound can of Pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles)... At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the ether can but it all sorta dumped out...

    No biggie... 1 lb of Pyrodex and 16oz of ether should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know? You know what? Screw that. I'm going back in the house for the other can.

    Yes, I got a second can of Pyrodex and dumped it too....Now we're cookin'.

    I stepped back about 15 ft and lit the 2-stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a 'clunk' from behind me as the arrow launched from my bow... In slow motion, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck...

    OH ****... he just got home from work. So help me God, it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a WTF look in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right through the main pile of Pyrodex at the bottom. OH ****!!!

    When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet.. I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was stuff hovering 1 ft above the ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low-to-the-ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a crawfish or two


    The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this... THE DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE.

    There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice I said "was". So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my Thunder-cats T-shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Viet Nam flashback,

    'ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE, YOUR BRINGIN' 'EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE, DAMMIT CEASE FIRE!!!!!'

    His hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000 ft over our backyard. There is a Honda 185s 3-wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.

    I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. But I just don't know-I know I said something. I couldn't hear. Heck...I couldn't hear inside my own head. I don't think he heard me either.... not that it would really matter. I don't remember much from this point on.....I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later....repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea. I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR so dad could beat me some more. “Bring him back to life so dad can kill him again!” Thanks mom.

    One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again. Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business. Dad sold his muzzloaders a week or so later, and I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality, either from the blast or the beating. Or both.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery. It's good discipline and will teach them skills they can really use – like to get the butt kicking of a lifetime.[/FONT]
     
    oldawg, Brokor, Yoldering and 8 others like this.
  2. BTPost

    BTPost Old Fart Snow Monkey Moderator

    I love a GOOD Energetic Material Story, Ghrit.... I would relate some of mine, but some of my compatriots are still alive, and I am not sure what the Statute of Limitations in Washington State is for such things. I do know that my wife was very surprised, and astonished, when we were having dinner with one of my Partners, and the subject, of our early endeavors, came up. We hadn't been married very long, and I had a lot of explaining to do, when we got home. Now that was 39+ years ago, and she still marvels, when some Long Lost Story surfaces, about that Previous Lifetime, BEFORE we met. I also know it bugs her some, when I do take on a Job, even today. Good thing I am getting TO OLD, for that kind of work, and only have the memories of a Lifetime, long ago, in a different world.
     
    Cephus likes this.
  3. limpingbear

    limpingbear future cancer survivor....

    Man that brings back a lot of memories....
     
  4. limpingbear

    limpingbear future cancer survivor....

    i just showed that to a buddie of mine....it took a good 20 minutes for us to stop laughing......been there, never got caught.....
     
  5. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    Also too old, but I need to do some study. There are a couple stumps on property that need lifting. Maybe bore a hole in them and fill with Tannerite -- (If only it wasn't quite so pricy. Time to find a proper recipe.)

    Hm.

    [boozingbuddies]
     
  6. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    ~WARNING.. If you blow yourself up it is not my fault!~

    Tannerite is no great secret. It's a simple binary explosive, kind of like kinepak...

    TOTALLY HARMLESS WHEN IT IS SEPERATED

    1 part dark aluminum flake to 9 parts ammonium nitrate.

    Mix 5% aluminum powder with 95% Amonium Nitrate.

    A good source of aluminum powder is Aluma-Seal, a radiator stop-leak, is aluminum powder.

    Amonium Nitrate, get it from United Nuclear

    Get a cheap kitchen scale too.

    DO NOT MIX THIS AT YOUR HOUSE, MIX IT AT THE RANGE, USE IT AT THE RANGE AND DO NOT TAKE ANY HOME WITH YOU

    Start with the following to make sure it works:

    100g AN mixed with 5g AL IN a 20-ounce bottle with screw on top.

    Pour the 100g AN mixed with 5g AL into the container and shake them up until they are mixed.

    Formula for mixing:

    X * 0.05 = Y
    X = Weight of AN
    Y = Weight of AL to mix with that amount of AN

    50 pounds of AN = 22,679.6185 grams

    so using the above formula

    22679.6185 * 0.05 = 1,133.980925

    1133.980925 grams = 2.5 pounds of AL

    So for every 50lb of AN you purchase you will need around 2.5lb of AL.

    But I doubt you could get 50lbs of AN without the BATFE & OR DHS banging on your front door...
     
  7. DarkLight

    DarkLight I self identify as a Blackhawk Attack Helicopter! Site Supporter

    You could always buy 40,000 instant cold packs for cash from all over the tri-state area over the course of 2 months. Not that I suggest doing this or have considered it or even think it's a good idea, just saying it's theoretically possible and totally under the radar of DHS and BATFE (for now) because either they haven't thought of it or they don't think it likely enough that someone would do it. [stirpot]
     
  8. oldawg

    oldawg Monkey+++

    OK Darklight you are now on 6 MORE list! LOL
     
  9. BTPost

    BTPost Old Fart Snow Monkey Moderator

    Ghrit, an easy way to deal with stumps, WITHOUT Energetics, is to bore holes in the Stump Face, and make up a saturated solution of Potassium Nitrate, (1#) in Hot Water, and then pour that in the Holes, and keep pouring it as the Wood Pulp adsorbs the solution, until it is completely gone. then let it sit for a week or so. then use a Propane Torch, to light the Stump Face. It will burn that stump from the inside out and clear down thru the roots. Takes longer than Energetics, but doesn't rattle the neighbors windows, and it just works. ...... YMMV.... Oh, and if you happen to have a Liter of Nitric Acid, that will do the same thing, only a bit faster, but still no Window Rattling......
     
  10. RightHand

    RightHand Pioneer in a New World Moderator Founding Member

    I know adults who still do things like that - one in particular who enjoys blowing things up!
     
  11. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    But I WANT to rattle windows. MUCH more impressive if the neighbors think you know how to do it ---
     
    STANGF150 likes this.
  12. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker



    Jeeze you say that like it's something bad....;)
     
    Sapper John likes this.
  13. Yoldering

    Yoldering Monkey+

    I have tears in both eyes...Ah, memories...
     
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