As GOD is my witness

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Cephus, Nov 19, 2011.

  1. Cephus

    Cephus Monkey+++ Founding Member

    Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.
    Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly
    this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he
    would even answer the phone."

    Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and
    demand an apology.

    Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him,
    "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm
    failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast
    and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house
    with both House and car keys inside and had to break a window to get
    my keys. "Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.
    Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat
    tire." "When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting
    for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these
    people, all the time The darn phone was ringing off the hook."

    He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash
    register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I
    had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the
    phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open
    cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a
    bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke."

    "Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally
    got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use
    a Rectal thermometer.

    And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her." 360
  2. beast

    beast backwoodsman

    have you ever had one of those days?
    Cephus and dragonfly like this.
  3. Sapper John

    Sapper John Analog Monkey in a Digital World

    Sounds just like last wednesday...(y)
    Cephus and dragonfly like this.
  4. larryinalabama

    larryinalabama Monkey++

    Reminds me of a feller in the city, he bought a new dirt bike and tried it out unsuccessfuly in his back yard, he rode through his sliding glass door and had to go to the emergency room to get sewed up from glass cuts. He got back home and had to take a dump, his wife had cleaned up the gas spilll in the living room with paper towels and threw them in th toyolet, well the feller got comfortable and lit a cigar, upon fininishing he threw the cigar in the toyolet, BOOM ..... back to the emergercency room.
    Alpha Dog, beast and Cephus like this.
  5. beast

    beast backwoodsman

    she was just tryin to lighten his miserable day
  6. dragonfly

    dragonfly Monkey+++

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