Beer and the wheel

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by ghrit, Dec 26, 2005.

  1. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster
    in winter.

    The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
    beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
    to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and,
    together, were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
    distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

    Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
    of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can was invented
    yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for
    them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
    villages were formed.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbecue at
    night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
    known as "the Conservative movement."

    Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
    off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecues and doing
    the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
    Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
    women. The rest became known as girly-men.

    Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
    the invention of group therapy, group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

    Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

    Modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added) (& foo foo coffee),
    but most prefer white wine or imported, bottled water. They eat raw fish
    but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard
    Liberal fare.

    Another interesting evolutionary side note: Most of their women have
    higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
    injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
    therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
    because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

    Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
    for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
    lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
    officers, corporate executives, fighter pilots, athletes and generally
    anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers
    and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
    are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals
    remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

    Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a
    Liberal will have an uncontrollable urge to respond to the above instead
    of simply laughing and deleting it.
  2. melbo

    melbo Hunter Gatherer Administrator Founding Member

    felt that a fitting smilie...
  3. Valkman

    Valkman Knifemaker Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    And knifemakers. b::
  4. Valkman

    Valkman Knifemaker Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    That joke is great and now has me wondering about a situation like "The Stand" where almost everyone is wiped out. All conservatives would gather in one place and liberals in another - but the liberals would have a big problem with cutting down trees and killing animals, so they wouldn't get very far. Conservatives would build all kinds of stuff, kill everything around and then go enslave the liberals. Then they could do the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. See, it even has a happy ending. :)
  5. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    [booze] [nothome]
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