Beer, the Wheel and some History

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by GOG, Feb 4, 2016.


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  1. GOG

    GOG Monkey++

    BEER, the wheel and some history.......

    Just a little history lesson for my friends!

    The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.

    Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.

    Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

    The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vise versa.

    These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
    1. Liberals.
    2. Conservatives.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

    Other men who were less skilled at hunting (called 'vegetarians' which was an early human word meaning 'bad hunter') learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.

    Some of these liberal men evolved into women. Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

    Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

    Modern Liberals like lite beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: many liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

    Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film makers, and actors in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers are liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

    Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are members of the military, big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

    Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.

    A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be shared immediately to other true believers and to just piss-off more liberals.

    And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self, I'm going to grab a few beers and BBQ some steaks!
    --
     
  2. oldawg

    oldawg Monkey+++

    [applaud]
     
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  3. UncleMorgan

    UncleMorgan I eat vegetables. My friends are not vegetables.

    Verra Niiiiice!
     
    GOG likes this.
  4. Legion489

    Legion489 Shining the Light of Truth

    As funny as that was, it is not entirely accurate. Conservatives domesticated cats. It seems the high pitched screams of liberals (actually girlie-men or more accurately lib-tards) when they saw a mouse would disrupt the BBQ as someone had to go look to see what was wrong. So they figured cats eat mice, domesticate cats, keep woman (and lib-tards) happy more time to eat/drink.

    This is easy to check. Just don't use Wiki as some poorly written article will convince some fool they are are right and everyone else who as a clue is wrong. Use real history/research materials when checking stuff like this.
     
    GOG likes this.
  5. GOG

    GOG Monkey++

    Okay. Mongo likes history.
     
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  6. UncleMorgan

    UncleMorgan I eat vegetables. My friends are not vegetables.

    The thing is, I think GOG's Theory of Evolution may be substantially more accurate than the one Darwin came up with. And the history part seems to be spot on, too.

    I can see how some liberals might be considered to be incomplete women. (With apologies to the ladies, who are not incomplete in any respect at all.)
     
    Tully Mars likes this.
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