1. The Topic of the Month for October is "Make this the Perfect Bugout Location". Please join the discussion in the TOTM forum.

Best Joke of 2011

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Quigley_Sharps, May 20, 2011.

  1. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

    Putin asks to call <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Russia</st1:place></st1:country-region> and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

    Next Queen Elizabeth calls <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">England</st1:place></st1:country-region> and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

    Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

    When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">USA</st1:place></st1:country-region> so cheaply. The devil smiles and replies, "Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

    dragonfly, Brokor and jimroberton like this.
  2. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    [FONT=verdana,Helvetica,Geneva,Swiss,SunSans-Regular,New Century Schlbk]An older, very dignified gentleman went to his travel agent and tried to book a two-week cruise for himself and his lady friend.

    The travel agent said that all the ships were booked up and reservations were very tight at that moment, but that he would see what he could do.

    A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could get them onto a three-day cruise. The gentleman was disappointed that it was such a short cruise, but booked it, and then went to the drugstore to buy Dramamines and three condoms.

    The next day, the agent called back and reported that he now could book a five-day cruise.

    The gentleman said, “Great, I'll take it!“ And he returned to the same pharmacy to buy two more Dramamines and two more condoms.

    The following day, the travel agent called yet again, and said he was delighted that he could offer them bookings on an eight-day cruise.

    The gentleman was elated and, went back to the drugstore. He asked for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.

    The pharmacist looked sympathetically at him and said, "Look, I'm not trying to pry, but, if it makes you sick, why do you keep doing it?"
    Falcon15 and dragonfly like this.
  3. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    [aiw] [LMAO]
  4. Minuteman

    Minuteman Chaplain Moderator Founding Member


    Two women are sitting together, quietly minding their own business.

  5. Brokor

    Brokor Live Free or Cry Moderator Site Supporter+++ Founding Member

survivalmonkey SSL seal        survivalmonkey.com warrant canary