Beware of Pillow Infestations!

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Seacowboys, Jun 11, 2016.

  1. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    Marital advice to follow: Beware of pillows!
    If you want your marriage to last, do not let extra pillows find their way into you home. A bed needs two pillows, a his and a hers. Every night is filled with snuggling and love making until pillows start showing up. When you see the first extra pillow show up on her side, immediately take it outside and burn it! The small argument that will result is far less harmful than allowing the pillow to exist and infest your bedroom! Once the first extra pillow, usually a knee pillow, shows up, she will never wrap her legs around you again. The next pillow to show up will be an extra long version, it is the queen pillow and soon, others will arrive to create a feather barrier between you and your mate and sex becomes something delegated to just on Sunday afternoons and then only monthly. Once a pillow infestation has began, nooners cease to exist. She will stop sitting up with you at night and begin to go to bed earlier and earlier until your schedules no longer mesh. This is to set the stage for the Sunday thing, the pillows will start traveling with you, taking up valuable space that could have been an extra guitar or tackle box and what would have been a romantic weekend in a motel or campground, becomes a pillow protected shopping expedition and destined to block any amorous intent except for dining out and that is where middle-age spread come from. She'll get fat and you might as well too, because you don't burn nearly as many calories trying to push your way through a bunch of feathers or foam, Once pillows have established themselves in you bed, there is no hope of ever ridding them from your life, it is too late and you might as well check to see if this is the Sunday you and fatso might have the monthly liaison.
  2. Salted Weapon

    Salted Weapon Monkey+++

    NOT RIGHT having illegal high capacity pillows in your home, COMMON SENSE PILLOW CONTROL IS NEEDED. Enact pillow safety laws. You must have a permit to buy more then two pillows and may only use said two pillows at the same time. Require said background check at time of new pillow purchase to ensure the maximum of pillows are not violated. Upon bed purchased you may only buy a bed that holds the maximum two pillow limit.

    After all its for the children, or better said so maybe you can try and have some.

    This information provided by you by Fathers Against Pillows, or FAP for short.
    Don't let your home become a FAP regulated home.
    Only you can prevent pillow abuse, prevention begins at home !

    HEHE !
  3. Gator 45/70

    Gator 45/70 Monkey+++

    A pillow that is acceptable by both parties!

    ghrit likes this.
  4. Yard Dart

    Yard Dart Vigilant Monkey Moderator

    Try adding a little dog to the mix..... :eek:

    Of course if you had an extra pillow in the bed, you could smoother the little dog....... :lol:

    oldawg, Tully Mars, kellory and 4 others like this.
  5. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    The concept of "pillow talk" is a device born from Women's magazines to serve as a false-flag attack.
    We got a weener dog while I was over-seas because she feared my absence would render the extra pillows ineffective.
  6. secondrecon

    secondrecon Monkey+++

    That's purity dang funny there [sarc2]
    Salted Weapon likes this.
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