Bidet Vs. Bidet Cage Match

in my best Michael Buffer voice
Ladies and Gentlemen, In this corner we have the drinkin' fountain style bidet. A simple press of a button and squeaky clean happens automatically. Some versions have multiple controls for aiming and other "spa" features. Cost is higher for dedicated and even add on units compared to the hand sprayer and may require electricity.

In the other corner we have the bum gun. Lower cost, easier to setup, and full operational aiming and control. The ladies might be able to pull off frontal access, but a guy pretty much has to elevate himself just a bit.

Are you ready to ruuuuuummmmbbbleeeee?



vs

 

Never quite hard as much enthusiasm to clean your arse before ,,,

 

Just working on a contingency for lack of TP bringing about a sticky situation

 

This could lead to a revolution in ass hygiene and paper use reduction.

 

Yeah, "butt" then Sheryl Crow will be demanding that we use recycled water and only two ounces per day.

 

Has to be a built in, and it absolutely must have temp control, nothing worse then an arse puckering freezing cold shot of water to the crack to make you sing out in that ungodly freakish falsetto voice! Blow dry with the wife's "GOOD' Hair drier, Follow that up with some poo pourri, and a shot of baby powder for that all important fresh feeling arse!

Don't forget to sun your bung for at least 15 min per day for that shot of vitamin D strait up your butt!

 

Finally, someone who gives a crap! How do you ensure warm water from the get go? I have to wait three or four minutes for my shower to warm up - can't imagine waiting that long to clean myself. Do these things come with built in water heaters?

 

Well, my lawn would be a bit greener, but Mrs. 3M thinks the neighbor lady is into short, fat, old, balding men who lack personality and social skills, so she refuses to let me saunter around outside nekkid, let alone bending over.

 

Squat shot behind the bushes ???

 

The ones we used in Europe had two knobs like the sink, one for hot and one for cold, and handle on ether side to make it go! Some had a instant heat tank, some electric, some natural gas, but you still wanted to set it and test it with your hand first before sitting down to get to work! Once you were ready, pull the handle and it starts, the handle is a pressure control, so a little gets you a little, and a lot gets you pressure washed! Pretty slick if you ask me, no need for paper, and some even had a blow drier with heat! Those were awesome, a pretty much hands free deal! Pro Tip, get one of these with the instant heat, and the blow drier, all you have to do is set the temps the way you want and you never have to worry! The Wife and I had it all down, we would check into our room and first thing was to set the biddit how we wanted it and go about the rest of our day!
Our master bath back home has one we special ordered in from Europe, it has all the bells and whistles, but was spendy, especially with shipping, but there were no good options here in the states! That may have changed, or now it will!

 

Thanks for the info! I was afraid interest in this subject was getting cold. You have definitely turned the heat up a notch!

 

Sadly, US bidet technology seems confined to toilet seats, toilet seat adapters, and glorified garden hoses. Trump's greed and incompetence has screwed us yet again. According to the bidet forums Trump dismantled President Obama's entire bidet task force, destroyed US designs light years ahead based on Area 51 alien technology and even dumped shiploads of European bidets in the ocean after he gained shadow control over all North American TP production and distribution.

 

It's all true. I read it on the Internet or maybe drank too much and imagined it. Doesn't matter, I'm still going to vote to "Make America Orange Again" even though Joe Biden has promised a free bidet every month until the pandemic is over or he remembers his name isn't John Bidet*, whichever comes first. I'm betting on the pandemic.



* prank phone call on my end. I convinced him he would get rich by selling his Bidets to the US Government and then gain voter approval for providing "free stuff" and for saving the Earth. We had to conference in Sanders so he could make sure he got his free bidets first, and needs 75 to put one on each of his bathrooms at his various houses just like the rest of us.

 

I've been kind of light and flippant, but I'm thinking ahead to the next house after our surgeries are complete and we can escape to a rural area in a free state.

 

Let me see now. I guess I could run the hose from the yard hydrant into the out house and.. Wait! didn't I mention something about ice cold , spring fed ponds. Let me tell ya. That water out of the hydrant is just as cold. And think about that winter trip out there. Fork that! it gets that bad I am sure the wife won't miss a sock or two. Or maybe one of those flannel nighties. Whatcha think? I could get away with it.

 

She has a two story house that overlooks my yard and binoculars. I think sometimes she flashes me, but my eyesight isn't what it was and she might be holding her hands over her eyes when I mow the lawn with my shirt off.

 

well, the Icy cold water first thing in the AM would save coffee money. Could really add up over the course of a year.