Blackjacks Idiot Theory

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Blackjack, Feb 24, 2008.

  1. Blackjack

    Blackjack Monkey+++

    I've been trying to find (on archive cd) a website I made about 8 years
    ago that I called "A Field Guide to the Idiots", and can't locate it. So I'm
    going to recreate the basics as best I can remember.

    The Problem:
    Our world is full of idiots. They are the root cause of just about every
    problem that you'll ever face in life. From little problems like traffic jams,
    waiting in line too long at the grocery store, annoying warning labels on
    everything, to the biggest problems like war and famine..... if you look deep
    enough, it's usually due to an idiot or a group of them.

    The Basic Theory:
    "In any grouping of people, A minimum of (but not limited to) 60 percent of
    those people, will be idiots".

    That's ANY grouping..... Blondes, redheads, males, females, cops,
    librarians, politicians, doctors, lawyers, rocket scientists, people who
    wear boxers, people who read, people who like asparagus, americans,
    europeans, heterosexuals, you get the point.
    ANY possible grouping of people with the obvious exception of "people
    who are not idiots".
    Obviously, some groupings will have a much higher percentage than 60.
    These groupings might include: Pro wrestling fans, drug addicts, people
    who like "American Idol", teenagers, and others. Actually I think the
    average for most groups is around 90 percent, but the minimum is 60.

    If you can learn to spot these idiots far enough in advance, you can plot
    your course (literally and figuratively) around them, thus minimizing any
    negative effects they may have on your life.

    The Definition of an Idiot:
    Being a former phil major, I'm a stickler for precise definitions. I spent way
    too much of my life perfecting this one. I think I still remember it verbatim,
    but I'll have to find that archived website to be sure.

    An Idiot Is:
    "A person who through their actions or lack thereof, unknowingly and
    consistently causes negative, unwanted and unnecesary effects and conditions
    in the lives of others"
    Keep in mind that a persons status as an "Idiot" is not, an any way, an
    indication of that persons intelligence or education. A highly intelligent
    and well educated person is just as likely to be (or not be) an idiot as
    anyone else, even the mentally handicapped.

    Explanation of terms:
    Unknowingly - The person doesn't realize he's negatively affecting your life.
    If he knew, and did it anyway, then he would cross the boundaries of idiot
    status into the realm of something more (jackass,s.o.b, etc).
    Consistently - We all do things that would be considered "idiot indicators"
    from time to time, that doesn't necessarily mean you're an idiot. Only when
    these things become the norm, rather than the exception, do I label you as
    an "Idiot".
    Unwanted - Many negative effects are expected or even wanted. For example,
    I used to be a fighter. Getting punched in the head is definitely a negative,
    but that doesn't make my opponent an idiot because that negative is expected
    when I step into the ring. I want to be part of that fight and agree to the
    possible consequences. Illegal attacks like eye gouging or ear biting
    would be a different matter.
    Unnecessary - Some negatives in peoples lives are necessary. Let's say
    I run over a man with my car and injure him (negative), but I was swerving
    out of the way of an oncoming truck that would have killed me, then it
    was necessary for me to swerve, and my causing the man's injuries does not
    make me an idiot... However, if the only reason I was in that situation of
    "needing to swerve" was because I didn't leave for work early enough and I
    was speeding, I go back to idiot status.
    Also, people find themselves causing negative effects in the lives of others
    because of their jobs. Examples would be a dentist that causes pain while
    extracting a tooth, or a policeman that has no choice but to arrest someone.
    These acts are necessary to accomplish their job and therefore does not put
    them in the idiot category. There are underlying ethical issues, but I'll
    leave that for another discussion.

    Quick example test:
    You're driving across town and come to a red light, and you're the first in
    line in the lane to go straight (there is a turning lane on your left). Traffic
    is heavy and there are many cars in all lanes. Your light (and the turn lane
    light) turn green, and that's when you realize that you're in the wrong lane
    as you needed to turn there, the problem now is, the turn lane is full of
    moving cars and you're sitting at a green light with people behind you waiting
    on you to go.

    Do You:
    A) Remain still at the green light until the turn lane empties and you can
    turn left yourself.
    B) Quickly try to "worm" your way in between moving cars in the turn lane.
    C) Go on straight through the light so you won't hold up traffic. You'll have
    to turn around "on up the road" and come back to make your turn.

    If you answered:
    A - You're holding up a lot of people and possibly making them late, so you're
    causing a "negative" in their life.
    If you didn't realize you were holding others up... you're an idiot.
    If you did realize it, you're not only an idiot, you're a jackass too.
    B - You're not only an idiot, you're a dangerous one (the worst kind).
    You're risking causing an accident because you made a mistake and don't
    want to pay for that mistake by going "out of your way, on up the road"
    If you didn't realize this, then you're just a dangerous idiot.
    If you did realize the risk and didn't care, you're an idiot and jackass.
    C - Bless you! You're not an idiot or a jackass. You made a mistake and you're
    willing to pay for that mistake by driving a little out of your way rather
    than making other people pay for your mistake.

    There's a lot more.... I'll update it when I have more time (or find the cd).

    Other segments include:
    Types of idiots
    Common idiot indicators.
    How to spot idiots from a distance and avoid them.
  2. Tango3

    Tango3 Aimless wanderer

    I think you nailed it.
    You hear the occasional story of the idiot backing up the interstate because they missed "their" exit.. This should be an example of terminal (capital) selfish stupidity.
  3. MO titmouse

    MO titmouse Mrs monkeyman

    I like that one of corse i pick (c) so iam not the jackass after all monkeyman is hahaha
  4. BigO01

    BigO01 Monkey+++ Founding Member

    You're right BJ but I think the 60% is just too high .

    The problem is when we run into the Super Idiots with Big mouths who are also the ones who are 40+ but must be the center of attention like a 3 YO kid .

    Examples of this are the hard core antigunners , the Kennedy's , Schuman's , Michael Moore's etc. etc. of the world .

    They are so obnoxious that it warps our perception , that and unfortunately far too many people want to be PC and not tell them to STFU when they open their mouths and worse think we are the bad guys when we DO tell them to STFU .

    While having a society that is always polite is a laudable idea it just isn't possible and sometimes one has to stoop to their level to punch them in their mouths .
  5. MbRodge

    MbRodge Monkey+++

    PLEASE find and post the rest of that article! I love it. May I have your permission Blackjack to forward that along to others of my acquaintance who may, or may not, be idiots?
  6. Blackjack

    Blackjack Monkey+++

    Forward away..... I've been looking for the rest of it without luck so far. I'll keep trying.
  7. Valkman

    Valkman Knifemaker Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    My biggest problem with stupid people is that you can't tell them they're stupid! Because they're stupid!
  8. Blackjack

    Blackjack Monkey+++

    I'd never tell a "stupid" person that they we're stupid, they we're born that way, they can't help it. But an idiot (see definition) is fair game. :)
  9. ozarkgoatman

    ozarkgoatman Resident goat herder

    I believe that 60% is way to low!!!!!!!!!!! I would say that it would be closer to 99.9999999999999999% of people are idiots!!!!!!!!!!!!! [beat]

  10. B540glenn

    B540glenn Should Be Working Founding Member

    "Everyone visits the land of idiots from time to time. The trick is not staying there." - (I forgot who)
  11. <exile>

    <exile> Padawan Learner

    Blackjack, do you have any idea of the original URL (or domain name like or something like that)?

    Also, what about forums...more specifically SM....but wait if I have to ask I guess.... :lol::eek:
  12. Blackjack

    Blackjack Monkey+++

    Thinkin it might be archived? It was on my free webspace I got with mediacom in Missouri, but I don't remember the url. I hadn't thought of that, I'll try a search.

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