Californian Application...

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Nov 18, 2006.

  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    :D (upfront apology to TMH....but it made me giggle...)

    Like, A Totally California State Residency Application...
    (Feel free to use popular nicknames, such as "Moon Beam", "Dweezil",
    "Moon Unit" "Capt. Trips", etc.)

    Age: _____________

    Inner Child's Age: _______

    Age in Dog Years: _______

    Age as told to you in a vision by ancient Mayan calendar: ________

    _____ M _____ F

    _____ Hermaphrodite

    _____ Still working it out in therapy

    Footwear: ____ Birkenstocks ____ Barefoot
    Condition of Feet:

    ____ Wash Daily ____ Wash Weekly

    ____ Like, whenever I get to
    the beach, man...
    ___ Massage Therapist
    ___ Astral Counsel
    ___ Pet Psychologist
    ___ Channeler of the Dead (real dead, not
    merely Grateful)
    ___ Follower of the Dead, (Grateful)
    ___ Tie-dye vendor at Dead Shows
    ___ Vendor of "nice hot, fresh veggie
    burritos" at concerts
    ___ Cooking up a scheme to channel Jerry
    ___ Assistant to Shirley MacLaine
    ___ Rent-A-Mob protester
    ___ Purveyor of Fine Herbal Remedies
    ___ Panhandler claiming to be a veteran
    ___ Professional Guest on Ricki Lake
    ___ LA rock star groupie
    ___ Bottom-feeding LA lawyer
    ___ Professional Emotional Victim

    Name(s) of Significant Other(s): ________________________________
    Relationship(s) of Significant Other(s):

    ____ Astral Soulmate

    ____ One-night stand from the protest rally who stayed because the
    was cheap

    ____ My dog's massage therapist

    ____ "Just Friends"

    ____ They're really not that significant, but I'll try to claim them
    tax deduction(s)

    Number of Children in Commune: _____

    Number of Inner Children In Commune: _____
    Number of your Inner Children which have been molested by one of

    Roseanne's multiple personalities: ____

    Mother's Name: ____________________ Father's Name: ____________________

    Where were you were conceived:

    ____ Woodstock

    ____ Monterey

    ____ Under the stars on in the commune's
    hot tub

    ____ In the back of a VW micro-bus on the
    way to a Dead show
    Name of book exposing your parents as inner-child abusers:

    Number of copies sold: ____

    Number of Wind Chimes Owned: ____
    Number of times you've given yourself a concussion by hitting head on
    wind chimes: ___

    Number of time you've channeled dead space aliens: ____

    Number of times a space alien has copped a feel off you: ____
    Talk Shows on Which You Make a Regular Appearance:

    ____ Donahue ____ Ricki Lake ____ Geraldo ____ Sally Jesse
    ____ The morning news' surf report

    Number of times you've eaten your surfboard: ____

    Above, while still in parking lot after tripping on your sandals: ____

    Number of Grateful Dead concerts attended: ____ (if all, enter "on

    Number of bongs you own: ____
    Number of times you've drunk your bong water because the weed ran out:

    Political Party Affiliation: (Choose as many as you have

    ____ Green Party
    ____ American Communist
    ____ Socialist Party
    ____ New Age Astral Party (channeling the spirits of dead Romans)
    ____ Hemp Party
    ____ The Party-Hearty Party ____ Inner Child Abuse
    Hotline Party
    ____ New Age Goddess Party

    How far is your home from the waterline:
    ___ Miles
    ___ Yards
    ___ Feet
    ___ I like to wake up with sand in my nose and seaweed in my teeth, in
    true harmony with nature as it washes up my nose

    Number of surfboards owned: ____
    Number of seconds you can talk without using the words "totally",

    "like", "man" and "fer shure": ____ (enter, like 0, if you, like,
    totally don't know)
  2. TexasDoc

    TexasDoc Monkey+++ Founding Member

    Now thats Funny

  3. TailorMadeHell

    TailorMadeHell Lurking Shadow Creature

    Oh man, like I think they are totally gonna kick me out cause I like haven't filled out one of those things. Too busy giving the dog my bong water. :D
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