Cattle Guards

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Yard Dart, Sep 25, 2015.

  1. Yard Dart

    Yard Dart Vigilant Monkey Moderator

    For those of you who have never traveled to the west, or southwest,
    cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed at fence openings,
    in dug-out places in the roads adjacent to highways (sometimes across highways), to prevent cattle from crossing over that area. For some reason the cattle will not step on the "guards," probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails.

    A few months ago, President Obama received and was reading a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards in Colorado . The Colorado ranchers had protested his proposed changes in grazing policies, so he ordered the Secretary of the Interior to fire half of the "cattle" guards immediately!
    Before the Secretary of the Interior could respond and presumably try to straighten President Obama out on the matter, Vice-President Joe Biden, intervened with a request that...before any "cattle" guards were fired, they be given six months of retraining.

    'Times are hard,' said Joe Biden, 'it's only fair to the cattle guards and their families be given six months of retraining! '

  3. 3M-TA3

    3M-TA3 Cold Wet Monkey

    As soon as the Federal employee's union gets involved, not only will they have to hire all the cattle guards back with back pay, they will need to hire 5,000 more...
    Ganado and UncleMorgan like this.
  4. Yard Dart

    Yard Dart Vigilant Monkey Moderator

    You forgot the back pay for the time that they were laid off. [looksharp]
    Ganado, UncleMorgan and 3M-TA3 like this.
  5. Yard Dart

    Yard Dart Vigilant Monkey Moderator

    You already mentioned back [peep]
    UncleMorgan likes this.
  6. 3M-TA3

    3M-TA3 Cold Wet Monkey

    It's FedGov - they always spend twice the estimated cost...
    UncleMorgan and Yard Dart like this.
  7. chelloveck

    chelloveck Shining the light on a truthier truth!

    I think this joke gets dusted off and recycled just about every Presidency; Republican and Democrat. Variations of it have been doing the rounds for a long time prior to the digital age.

    The Myth Of President Obama and the Cattle Guards

    I like this variation of it....though I very much doubt that RH would be the enquirer.

    Last edited: Sep 26, 2015
  8. UncleMorgan

    UncleMorgan I eat vegetables. My friends are not vegetables.

    I think it has been recycled so NObama can give cell phones to the cattle guards and sign them up as registered Democrats.
    kellory, Ganado, 3M-TA3 and 1 other person like this.
  9. john316

    john316 Monkey++

    "According to Snopes the tale has existed in some form since the 1960's."
    Conservative blogs are abuzz with news from The People’s Cube that’s CEO has been arrested for fraud.
    so....... i believe the story
    Ganado likes this.
  10. chelloveck

    chelloveck Shining the light on a truthier truth!

    Which story do you believe? About cattle guards, or about Snopes CEO allegedly being arrested?
    Ganado likes this.
  11. 3M-TA3

    3M-TA3 Cold Wet Monkey

    Personally, I wouldn't be surprised if the majority of the politicians we Americans have elected over the past few decades would think that cattle guards are people. It's always hilarious whenever they get asked things like the price of milk or gas and you get to see how disconnected from the world the rest of us live in.

    When this joke first came out in the 60's or earlier it was surely obvious sarcasm. In any event, it's good for a laugh.
    Ganado, chelloveck and Yard Dart like this.
  12. john316

    john316 Monkey++

    "Which story do you believe? About cattle guards, or about Snopes CEO allegedly being arrested?"

    Ganado and Yard Dart like this.
  13. chelloveck

    chelloveck Shining the light on a truthier truth!

    'Nuff said....must remember that on April 1st ;)
    Ganado likes this.
  14. Ganado

    Ganado Monkey+++

    IT is a good joke and once upon a time there was a congressman....... that this story was true.

    People make assumptions about words all the time. I was in high school (in New Mexico) and our librarian was ordering encyclopedia's from a company in Chicago. There response to her inquiry, "We do not deliver encyclopedia's out side of the United States."

    Librarian's response, "If you bothered to read your own encyclopedia you would find that New Mexico we the 47th state in the USA as of 1912."

    I thought it was a good answer to normal human ignorance.
    kellory, Yard Dart and chelloveck like this.
  15. duane

    duane Monkey+++

    I read that there was a major problem between the department of labor wanting to monitor the cattle guards under the equal opotunities act for women and minorities and demanding that the department of the interior be repremanded for not filing the required paper work and homeland security department demanding that all federal guards must be under their department. It is not known at this time if the question will be settled by the courts or require congressional action. A high ranking member of the administration said that somehow the whole program had fallen through the cracks that exist between jurisdictions.
    Ganado likes this.
  16. azrancher

    azrancher Monkey +++

    Remember Guam is going to tip over.

    He was serious

    kellory and 3M-TA3 like this.
  17. kellory

    kellory An unemployed Jester, is nobody's fool. Banned

    Yep, saw the video. The man seem to think islands would flip over if you for too many folks on one side....[loco]
    Ganado likes this.
  18. azrancher

    azrancher Monkey +++

    I have a real problem with people like that representing us... Don't you?

    kellory likes this.
  19. kellory

    kellory An unemployed Jester, is nobody's fool. Banned

    Yes, I truly do. Just like the woman who wanted to ban magizine-clips "these are the bullets, and those how have them will shoot them, and then they will need to buy smaller bullets...." People who are too stupid to understand what they are saying have no justification to be making rules for other (smarter) people to to be shackled by. And if ANY member of .gov votes on ANY bill (up or down) without fully reading it and understanding it (obummercare anyone?) That should be grounds for IMMEDIATE JOB TERMINATION.
    Homer Simpson and azrancher like this.
  20. duane

    duane Monkey+++

    No politician today ever reads the bills he signs and would not understand them if he did. They are written by the experts, read lawyers, the congressional staffs, and those paid to lobby congress. I worked for the state of Michigan in the 1960's as a health economist for what would be the Medicaid program today. In one years budget in congress we got one word changed in the national budget with the help of a congressman's staff and one state, Michigan, got an extra $30,000,000. It changed the base on which the aid payments were derived from the state expenditures, the money spent by the state on health care, to all expenditures, which included both the state and the federal expenditures. We double dipped in other words. They corrected it a couple years later, but we got to keep the "excess" payments. The bill was a couple thousand pages long and I spent 3 months on 2 pages. When it was introduced on the floor, congress had about 6 or 8 hours to "review" the whole thing. The system has been broken for at least 75 years and is only getting worse. Anytime you hear a politician speak, you MUST have your tinfoil hat on.
  1. Yard Dart
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