Checking In

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by F. Ticious, Mar 21, 2016.


  1. F. Ticious

    F. Ticious Monkey+

    It has some time since I have had an opportunity to stop in and catch up on events. I hope that I find all well and surviving? Mr. Ghrits is doing well and has faithfully propagated the species numerous times since I last took a moment to check in. Unfortunately, Molly was killed and eaten by what I think was a pack of wild hogs, after colliding with a tree in her gallant scramble towards safety. I was recently gifted a new laptop from the most unexpected source and now am able to communicate with the outside world once again. I believe, when last I checked in, we were doing containment and damage control after my little skirmish with miscreants.
    The source of my new laptop was a daughter that I didn't know I had, and (delighted giggle) a grandson! Her name is Destiny and her mother was a grateful client back when I was a working lawyer and obtained her divorce for a bargain price of $99.95. We celebrated with a little too much wine and one thing led to another, then we just sort of never saw one another again. My daughter, Destiny is her name, was supposed to be the product of a final goodbye coupling between the litigants prior the divorce but as it turns out, Destiny had a DNA test performed in hopes of proving she was part native-american but it ultimately proved she wasn't and in fact, wasn't even part of her supposed father. This led her mother to reminiscing and apparently I was what was reminisced...
    Destiny has purple hair and enough piercings that I am worried about her ability to float when she bathes in the river. She is 19 and my grandson is four, oh...he's a negro too. I am learning a new dialect, Destiny calls it "nigga". It is very difficult to master some of the inflections and nuances, but I have always had a knack for commanding the English language and am sure that I can get this.
     
  2. BTPost

    BTPost Old Fart Snow Monkey Moderator

    Hay Frankie.... Long time, No See.... Welcome back to the Monkey Tree.... Have you seen Moose, recently?
     
  3. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    Good to see you, Frank, and to hear you've fallen on better times.
     
    chelloveck likes this.
  4. TailorMadeHell

    TailorMadeHell Lurking Shadow Creature

    Welcome back. Hope to hear more of what you are learning.
     
  5. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    Francis, I saw the comment about the delicious moose-helper recipe and I certainly understand that it is a dog-eat-dog kinda world, but you didn't...? PM me asap.
     
  6. RightHand

    RightHand Pioneer in a New World Moderator Founding Member

    Good to hear from you Frank. As I have explored various uninhabited areas of the southern states, I have kept my eyes peeled for anyone who resembles a divorce lawyer but to no avail. You must be excited to have encountered your progeny even if she resembles a rainbow cockatiel. Family is family. You have always been a man who liked to carve his own path so I'm sure you welcomed her with great enthusiasm for parenthood and grand-parenthood. You will master the language barrier just as she will begin to glean an occasional recognizable word from you. The time has arrived for you to educate the next generation of the Ticious family.
     
  7. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    I think he ate the moose.
     
  8. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

    [​IMG]
    I think I saw her....
     
    RightHand likes this.
  9. Bandit99

    Bandit99 Monkey+++

    I think I need to read this again when I am sober........because it is making too much sense now. :)
     
    Yard Dart likes this.
  10. Brokor

    Brokor Live Free or Cry Moderator Site Supporter+++ Founding Member

    ggirl.

    LEGIT!
     
    Yard Dart and VisuTrac like this.
  11. F. Ticious

    F. Ticious Monkey+

    My Brokor, I sure thought OPSEC was better than that, apparently you know Destiny? I am trying to learn as much about her as I can and Tyron, my grandson. I taught him how to pull his pants up yesterday and they are visiting for a few days while we work out how to deal with a problem. It seems there is a custody issue between Destiny and Tyron's father, along with allegations of possible sexual abuse and child endangerment. Destiny showed me some very disturbing video from an amazing small computer/telephone she has. I am a bit at a loss, not really having access to the legal community, post Apocalypse. I was joking with my good friend, Mr. BTPost, about the moose-helper recipe. It really was delicious and the moose said it was a much easier means of preparing ground rabbit.
    Moose hasn't been around much, since the fiasco with the BATFE.
    Destiny has been teaching me some new dance steps. She works as a professional dancer and is taking pains to teach me a new dance craze called "twerk". I am sure this is a generational thing, kids will be kids. I am seriously considering hiring a private investigator to look into the abuse of my grandson and if this should prove to be true, possibly hiring a hit-man or mercenary to deal with the perpetrator.
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2016
    Brokor, VisuTrac and RightHand like this.
  12. $99.95 check em out and kill em special at Moose Investigations and assassinations this month! Have guns, will travel....Yo, I speak Nigga! 00 Hitman Moose 3.JPG 00 Hitman Moose 3.JPG
     
    Brokor, VisuTrac, BTPost and 2 others like this.
  13. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    OMG! A hit-moose...
    That Tec-9 is definitely a ghetto blaster.
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2016
    VisuTrac likes this.
  14. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    I need to "write" a contract -- Contact info?

    Glad to see you are prospering, Mort.
     
  15. BTPost

    BTPost Old Fart Snow Monkey Moderator

    Apparently, Spring has Sprung.....[lolol]
     
  16. enloopious

    enloopious Rocket Surgeon

    Apparently the piercings are all below the water line...
     
    Brokor likes this.
  17. Gray Wolf

    Gray Wolf Monkey+++

    More information than I need!
     
    Tikka and Yard Dart like this.
survivalmonkey SSL seal        survivalmonkey.com warrant canary
17282WuJHksJ9798f34razfKbPATqTq9E7