Christmas gifts for the man in your life...

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Dec 4, 2010.

  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

    Rule #1:
    When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

    Rule #2:
    If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

    Rule #3:
    If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

    Rule #4:
    Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

    Rule #5:
    You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

    Rule #6:
    Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

    Rule #7:
    Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why. (ABSOLUTELY TRUE!!)

    Rule #8:
    Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No one knows why.

    Rule #9:
    Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.) It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. ("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.")

    Rule #10:
    Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. (No one knows why) Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

    Rule #11:
    Tickets to a Cowboys game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

    Rule #12:
    Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #7 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

    Rule #13:
    It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

    Rule #14:
    Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why......

  2. tacmotusn

    tacmotusn RIP 1/13/21

    Wikileaks has somehow got their hands on my Christmas list and published it. I am going to sue.
  3. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    1000 foot spool of paracord, anyone?
  4. BTPost

    BTPost Stumpy Old Fart,Deadman Walking, Snow Monkey Moderator

    The first time i read that, I thought that it was "Primacord", not paracord,
    and I had to pick my jaw up off the floor and reread the post....
  5. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    :lol: I'll take a spool of each, please. Charge melbo's account.
  6. BTPost

    BTPost Stumpy Old Fart,Deadman Walking, Snow Monkey Moderator

    Sure just eMail "Me" your FUP and ATF Magazine Registration Number, and we can get this going.... I think I still have a spool, or two, out back in the magazine..... Seriously, you just never see stuff like that on the Internet, much....
  7. Disciple

    Disciple Monkey+

  8. BTPost

    BTPost Stumpy Old Fart,Deadman Walking, Snow Monkey Moderator

    I was a Professional Blaster in a previous Life. Got my first License when I turned 18, after apprenticing with an Old Hard Rock Miner in the Washington Cascade Mountains. Put myself thru College, partly working as a Powderman, on weekends. Before I left the Biz, I was licensed in four States, and let the last one lapse, a few years back. My formal Education was as a NitroOrganic Chemist, which I never pursued after college. I still have a Magazine, but it is NOT licensed, but is secure. The post 9/11 BS, and my age, make it not as fun as it used to be, but you never unlearn skills. As a Fed, I wasn't attached to ATF, in any way.... except as a License Holder....
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