Original Work Chucklers: Book 1 - Laughter Is Contagious - Prologue

Actually most are CNG at least in larger cities.

 

Thanks for both of these, DarkLight. This is why I wanted to post this here. The "my" vs "her" is from my first draft of the "Erica" part of the story. It was initially written in first person. As the story grew, it quickly became evident that first person wasn't going to cut it, so I had to do a lot of rewriting. Looks like I missed quite a few of them. Thanks.

You lost me on this one. I don't think I ever said anything about the bus exploding, did I? If I put something in there that made you think it did, please let me know where so I can fix it, because that wasn't my intention, at all. But the biggest problem a writer faces is his brain filling in what he intends to say, rather than just seeing what he actually says.

 

Chapter 37

Although @Tully Mars has a point in that many city buses have gone CNG, which would in fact explode.

 

Thanks. I completely forgot about that part.

I'll rewrite. After looking up CNG explosions, it looks like most of them are simply pressure explosions, not the typical flaming inferno, Hollywood style, kaboom I had in mind. For some reason I had it in my head that it was the pickup truck that exploded. Thanks for the catch.

 

I've been holding back on making a comment until things had a chance to hash out a bit...the jumping around to the different groups made the beginning a bit difficult to follow, but as the story progressed it almost was necessary in order to keep up with all the action. Thus far, a good storyline with believable characters combined with a - if not horrific, then extremely concerning - chain of events makes for a sale-able book. But that's just my lowly opinion <chuckle>

Thanks!

 

Thanks @techsar. I appreciate that.

 

*** still reading, still enjoying but I am falling behind.

 

Holy crap batman! That kept me up past bed time. Bathsalt Zombies meet the plague; throw in an EMP and you will have covered everything that makes me afraid of the dark.

A little editing needed but off to a good start.

whynot

 

Reminds me of John Saul's writing.

 

Chapter 4 -

He

 

Thanks MotoMom!

 

Thanks, whynot. When you see something I missed, sing out. I'm pretty thick-skinned, and part of the idea here is to get extra eyes on my work so I can present a clean manuscript to the publisher.

 

And that's it, Monkeys. You guys are getting the first look at the manuscript. I'll begin sending it out to some beta readers later today to get input from other writers, but I also really want to know what general readers think about it.

So if you find anything that I messed up as far as a character that doesn't seem right, or a sequence of events that is mixed up, or even something that just seems off to you (basically, anything that pulls you out of the story), PLEASE let me know. I'm thick skinned, and genuinely looking for input. Everyone's comments will be written to a file and will be examined as I get more of them from my beta readers.

Thanks again for the time you've given this. I know how valuable time can be.

 

All I can honestly say is that I enjoyed it. I didn't notice any glaring flaws any where. Others have already pointed out the "he/she" errors and that's all I saw. Good luck with it and I look forward to the next book!

 

There were a couple more me/her's earlier on but they cleared up by the end. The only other continuity error I found was this:

So, was it a Chevy or a Volkswagon?

 

Chapter 47

On chapter 52 and still enjoying this story

 

What, you've never heard of the Chevy Volkswagon? LOL. Seriously though, thanks for that. You too, @Motomom34 . All those corrections have been made now.

Thanks.

 

In chapter 47 I got confused-I didn't recall Erica having a lacrosse stick then she did.

I really enjoyed this, thank you for sharing this @Jeff Brackett. It was like a nightmare when they were in Houston, everywhere they turned there were more and more chucklers. I was starting to feel panic like the characters were.

Also- I got sick of Charlie's Dad real early and skimmed lots of Charlie scenes. I got it early, his Dad was an a-hole and Charlie had to battle a silent- sometimes not so silent struggle against becoming his dad.

 

Thanks for the comments @Motomom34. Especially the comments on Charlie. If I get similar comments from my beta readers, I'll definitely be reconsidering some of those scenes.

 

I liked almost everyone even Charlie, but I do think that Ross did not contribute much to the story other then being Erica's motivation and goal. The story was great and easily readable and I am looking forward to part two.