Clyde's Useless Observations of the Day

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Clyde, Mar 16, 2007.

  1. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    Ah, memories!! [rofllmao]
  2. Tango3

    Tango3 Aimless wanderer

    "Footy pajamas" have a purpose!

    Once along time ago in a galaxy far far away we went overto some friends for a friday night cheap whiskey and cards evening, well comes time to leave, lets say goodbye to everybody and Nathan? where's Nathan?( the resident two yearold) Oh there he is sitting up under the kitchen table in his pajamas with the biggest grin on his face...Mom says:" he's been uncomfortably blocked up for a couple of days, so we were giving him prune juice today( all day
    )."Nathan come here son and say goodbye to our guests"pheww whoa!!babe go turn the shower on ,I'll get him upstairs"My buddy had his hands full, ol' nate had indeed loosed his bowels and filled up those footies to the waist. but he was just smilin'.he felt great, perhaps a bit squishy..
  3. monkeyman

    monkeyman Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

  4. Clyde

    Clyde Jet Set Tourer Administrator Founding Member

    Note to Clyde: Easy on the prune juice.
  5. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    btt. New observations needed --
  6. E.L.

    E.L. Moderator of Lead Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    The other day my 3 yr. old daughter who was watching Scooby-Dooby-Doo in our bedroom, came running into the living room yelling "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, there is an alligator in the bedroom!" I assumed it was a plastic or stuffed one that she didn't care for. After entering the room she climbed up on the bed quickly, and I asked her where it was. She informed me it was right there by my foot. I looked down and it was a very small lizard. We had opened the windows as it was a very nice day, but one of the screens was popped open just enough for the small reptile to climb in. So I bent down and picked up the small lizard. It was dead, as soon as I picked it up the Manx cat we have started trying to knock it out of my hands. Evidently she had killed it, knocked the tail off, and was looking for more action.
    (She attacks everything but the family.) So after wrestling it away from the cat, I took a good look at it. It did look like a small alligator. Albeit one with no tail. Henceforth, lizards are now known as alligators around my house.
  7. snuffysmith

    snuffysmith Monkey+++ Founding Member

    Good posts, takes me back to early 70's. I met my son in 72,(I adopted him when I married his mother) at the age of appx. 1.5 (his). About a year or so later, his mother, and grandmother were potty training him and wanting me to help with a problem they were having. Having no man in his life, we was setting down to pee and they had decided I was the one to help get him on the right track. We were not engaged but getting close, so I volenteered.
    Scene two finds us menfolk in the bathroom where I went over the fundamentals and showed him how to sink a cigarette butt with gunfire. lol About a week later, I came over to their house to visit (she lived with her mother) and all the neighbor ladies were waving and "hello" ing me like never before. I went in the house and wondered out loud about their friendliness and my future wife and MIL cracked up. It seems that the lad had been to all the neighbor ladies telling them "My daddy Jim has a big doobie". Ah children, sadly to say, not a one of those neighbor ladies were under sixty years of age but I did swagger for a few weeks whenever I came over.



    I learned yesterday that if the first thing you see in the morning when you walk out of your house is a big dog pooping on your front lawn that it's gonna be a bad day.
  9. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    Observation: Can't think of a good one for this situation --

    Rest assured, if the parts guy says you'll never need a spare shear pin for your snow blower -- :mad:
  10. Tango3

    Tango3 Aimless wanderer

    kudos to snuffysmith above for a most enjoyable post.
  11. CBMS

    CBMS Looking for a safe place

    When North Of the 49th, Bring a Jacket For Winter. Boots for the Mud. And Beer for the locals...
  12. CraftyMofo

    CraftyMofo Monkey+++

    More observations needed. Surely there have been some in the past year?
  13. melbo

    melbo Hunter Gatherer Administrator Founding Member


    Need. More. Clyde.
  14. Clyde

    Clyde Jet Set Tourer Administrator Founding Member

    Observation: The bottom of a beer glass looks messy when it is empty.

    Discussion: While drinking a few beers over of these past days, I noticed the bottom of the glass appears frothy and much more like spittle than beer when you reach to the final few sips. Rather than being repulsed by this thought, and being the problem solver I am, I quickly came to to a realization. I have been operating under a flawed ordering technique for years. Learn from my mistakes.

    Conclusion: Always order a fresh beer when your pint is half full. When you order, take a good swig to leave it 1/3 full. When the fresh beer arrives, down the 1/3 remaining beer and switch glasses. One never has to look at that empty bottom again simply through this "enlightened" ordering technique. Note -- This technique is not recommended for glasses containing more than 1 liter of beer.
  15. Clyde

    Clyde Jet Set Tourer Administrator Founding Member

    Observation: Extended Absences from Home Cause Pregnancy

    Discussion: While heading to deer camp last Fall for almost 2 weeks of leisure time, I left the my family with family. During this period, I spent some great time alone and with good friends, tasting great cheese, Pacific Northwest Salmon, and good meats. Due to a reason within my control but out of my control, I had to leave two days earlier than planned. After a few days of extended turmoil on the home front, I successfully realized it had been a few weeks since sweet loving and when the opportunity "arose" I entered the situation with a clogged "pipe" that required multiple rotorooting to fix completely.

    Conclusion: The baby is due in 10 days. Need I say more. If I left for a month, I am wondering if I would be having twins.
  16. tacmotusn

    tacmotusn RIP 1/13/21

    LOL .... TMI !!! .... but, congratuations anywayb::[boozingbuddies]
  17. Clyde

    Clyde Jet Set Tourer Administrator Founding Member

    Observation: Women Are Great Multi-taskers

    Discussion: Recently I was driving behind a woman who was a bit over the lines. Upon reaching the stoplight, I noticed she had a cigarette in one hand with a cup of coffee, she was texting with the other hand and there was a mascara brush in her hand and a McDonalds biscuit on the dash. So, I started adding up all those tasks she needed to accomplish these tasks: 1) Drive, 2) Drink, 3) Smoke, 4) Texting 5) Make-up face 6) Fill face with Food. Truly, remarkable.

    Conclusion: Handsfree phone laws are a joke.
  18. tacmotusn

    tacmotusn RIP 1/13/21

    I am sure I have followed this woman. She is not on my Christmas card list. She also is not much of a driver. She always takes up both lanes when making a turn. She is extraordinarily slow when compared even to the speed limit or the light changing. Also she can manage to do all of the above, and she is ambedextrous when it comes to giving the finger when you honk. I suggest either executing a police pit manuver on her vehicle or just turning off and taking another route to get where you are going.
  19. Clyde

    Clyde Jet Set Tourer Administrator Founding Member

    She was well endowed. I could deal with it!
  20. tacmotusn

    tacmotusn RIP 1/13/21

    Well why didn't you say so before? That explains everything and leads to other options. You should have hit her from behind..... urr, I mean rear ended her ....
    For many reasons, to check for a wedding ring, and to exchange personnal information, apologize, turn on the charm, and ask her out.
survivalmonkey SSL seal warrant canary