How many college students does it take to change a lightbulb in the South? At Vanderbilt it takes two. One to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as well as any ivy leaguer. At Georgia it takes three. One to change the bulb, and two to phone a friend at Georgia Tech and get instructions. At Florida it takes four. One to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get high off the old one. At Alabama it takes five. One to change it, two to talk about how Bear would have done it, and two to throw the old bulb at Auburn students. At Ole Miss it takes six. One to change it, two to mix the drinks, and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion. At LSU it takes seven. And each one gets credit for four semester hours for it. At Kentucky it takes eight. One to screw it in, and seven to discuss how much brighter it shines during basketball season. At Tennessee it takes ten. Two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how Phillip Fulmer is too stupid to do it. At Mississippi State it takes fifteen. One to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to shout, "GO TO HELL OLE MISS, GO TO HELL!!!" At Auburn it takes 100. One to change it, 49 to talk about how they do it better than Bama, and 50 who realize it's all a lie. At South Carolina it takes 80,000. One to screw it in, and 79,999 to discuss how this will finally be the year they have good football team. At Arkansas it takes none. There is no electricity in Arkansas.
Who needs lights? The braille method always worked for me. Find the fridge, open it, grab a beer. Other things done in the dark are even easier.
