Beware the dangers that surround you. But most of all, know what the signs mean: If you have set yourself on fire, do not run. If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud. If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder. If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor. Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you! The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand. Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, hide the children and run away. Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it. Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. If a door is closed, karate chop it open. If your building collapses, remain in the fetal position while waiting to be rescued. Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region (you may leave the area after 5 minutes, 12 seconds). After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: Watch your head. If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell. If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop. If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen (or look for your handy, wall-moving flashlight). If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it. Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood. A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation. Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.
