Darwin Awards Candidates

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Seacowboys, Dec 21, 2006.


  1. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
    AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
    Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

    2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
    Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to capture a gunman who barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters,
    officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

    3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
    An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, where the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

    4. THE GETAWAY!
    A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the amount was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

    5. DID I SAY THAT???
    Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!".

    6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???
    A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this her first child?" the
    doctor asked "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

    7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
    In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
    (hellooooooo)!

    8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!
    Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in th high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat to go with speed. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them
    what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys
    jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
    NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
    Under the boat, still strapped secuely in place, was the trailer!
     
  2. Blackjack

    Blackjack Monkey+++

    I want to believe those aren't real, but I know better.
     
  3. TailorMadeHell

    TailorMadeHell Lurking Shadow Creature

    [LMAO] And just think, that's only the tip of the iceberg.
     
  4. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    [fnny] now thats funny
     
  5. Conagher

    Conagher Dark Custom Rider Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    The trailer was still attached to the boat......[LMAO] [fnny] [booze] I'd have like to seen that in person....[pop]
     
  6. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    PC and extraneous laws protect people like these from natural selection.
    ohnoz.
     
  7. Rancher

    Rancher Specialist

  8. TailorMadeHell

    TailorMadeHell Lurking Shadow Creature

    Makes ya kinda wonder how we as a species have survived thus far. [dunno]
     
  9. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    Has something to do with those guys not lasting long enough to breed.
     
  10. TailorMadeHell

    TailorMadeHell Lurking Shadow Creature

    That is true. Though some of the idiots are harder to get rid of. That's why we have certain politicians. Haha.
     
  11. Infidel

    Infidel Guest

survivalmonkey SSL seal        survivalmonkey.com warrant canary
17282WuJHksJ9798f34razfKbPATqTq9E7