Dirty Panda Tricks

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Seacowboys, Jan 15, 2007.


  1. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    Scamming the Horny Panda: One trick that zookeepers have used to get male pandas interested in mating with dowdier females (according to a December dispatch from Sichuan, China, in Australia's The Age) is to let an attractive female roam around a pen, leaving her scent, and then, in darkness, with the male in the pen and frisky at the scent, to introduce the less attractive female into the pen, back-end first, so that the pre-excited male will quickly begin copulating. Said zookeeper Zhang Hemin, "When the males find out (that they've just mated with unintended partners), they get very angry and start fighting the female. We have had to use firecrackers and a water hose to separate them." [The Age (Melbourne), 12-17-06]
     
  2. Blackjack

    Blackjack Monkey+++

    In my younger days, I may have woke up to find my barroom beauty from the night before not at all what I thought she was, but I didn't attack her, I just quietly snuck out the back. [booze]
     
  3. TailorMadeHell

    TailorMadeHell Lurking Shadow Creature

    Blackjack, that's why they coined the phrase 'Coyote Ugly'. You'd have to chew your arm off to get away. Haha.

    Remember one of the lines that SC posted is 'Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.' Haha.
     
  4. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    They had to do that with my first wife on our honeymoon night, at least the part about the water hose and firecrackers[LMAO]
     
  5. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member


    Maybe she ended up with my first husband....who resembled Sonny Bono at the time....:rolleyes: ( I can't believe I told y'all that!)

    But he played in a band...and knew all the words to "Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll" and "Talkin' WWIII Blues"....figured I had to marry him....


    :rolleyes:
     
  6. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll, Bob Dylan

    [FONT=Courier, Courier New]<!-- lyrics -->William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll
    With a cane that he twirled around his diamond ring finger
    At a Baltimore hotel society gath'rin'.
    And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him
    As they rode him in custody down to the station
    And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder.
    But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears,
    Take the rag away from your face.
    Now ain't the time for your tears.

    William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years
    Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres
    With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him
    And high office relations in the politics of Maryland,
    Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders
    And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling,
    In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking.
    But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears,
    Take the rag away from your face.
    Now ain't the time for your tears.

    Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen.
    She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children
    Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage
    And never sat once at the head of the table
    And didn't even talk to the people at the table
    Who just cleaned up all the food from the table
    And emptied the ashtrays on a whole other level,
    Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane
    That sailed through the air and came down through the room,
    Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle.
    And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger.
    But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears,
    Take the rag away from your face.
    Now ain't the time for your tears.

    In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gavel
    To show that all's equal and that the courts are on the level
    And that the strings in the books ain't pulled and persuaded
    And that even the nobles get properly handled
    Once that the cops have chased after and caught 'em
    And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom,
    Stared at the person who killed for no reason
    Who just happened to be feelin' that way without warnin'.
    And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished,
    And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance,
    William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence.
    Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears,
    Bury the rag deep in your face
    For now's the time for your tears.
    <!-- END lyrics --><!-- spacer -->[​IMG]
    [/FONT]
     
  7. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    [LMAO]

    We all have our standards.
     
  8. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member


    Yeah...well, it was 1970 something...what can I say?

    I wore some kind of cotton/muslin gown and sandals...to my wedding...on the beach. (at Sunrise, of course!)

    Ceremony performed by a Zen Buddhist....

    [raspberry]

    :lol:
     
  9. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    Do you, Moonbeam, take this man as your significate other until such time as your contiousness expands and cosmic wonders lead you down different paths?[looksharp]
    And do you, Che, take this bride to share this moment in space with all other creatures, great and small?[dunno]
    I now pronounce you[own]
    :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
     
  10. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member




    Don't do that when I have a mouthful of coffee EVER AGAIN....[LMAO] [LMAO]

    Oh God, what a trip down Memory Lane.....

    and then we all held hands and sang Kumbaya....


    :unsure:
     
  11. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    I probably just beat Ghrit to the punch (line).[fnny]
     
  12. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    Barely. Was composing it when yours popped up.[LMAO] Was trying to get the Haight-Ashbury flavor out of it --[rofllmao]
     
  13. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member



    My new keyboard has been properly spewed and broken in today....[fnny]

    [LMAO]
     
survivalmonkey SSL seal        survivalmonkey.com warrant canary
17282WuJHksJ9798f34razfKbPATqTq9E7