Dog & Cat Diaries

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by thepatriot1976, Jun 10, 2008.

  1. thepatriot1976

    thepatriot1976 Resigned Membership


    8:00 am - Dog food!
    My favorite thing!
    9:30 am - A car ride!
    My favorite thing!
    9:40 am - A walk in the park!
    My favorite thing! <u1:p></u1:p>
    10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
    12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
    1:00 pm - Played in the yard!
    My favorite thing!
    3:00 pm - Wagged my tail!
    My favorite thing!
    5:00 pm - Milk bones!
    My favorite thing!
    7:00 pm - Got to play ball!
    My favorite thing!
    8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
    11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My
    favorite thing!<u1:p></u1:p>



    Day 983 of my captivity.

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
    keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet . <u1:p></u1:p>


    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!

    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was
    due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and now to use it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

    The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.

    He is obviously retarded!<u1:p></u1:p>
  2. TailorMadeHell

    TailorMadeHell Lurking Shadow Creature

    Re: Dog & Cat Diares

  3. Tackleberry

    Tackleberry Krieg H√ľndchen

    Thats funny right there, I don't care who you are...
  4. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    Too funny!

    And confirms why I am a "dog" person. :)
survivalmonkey SSL seal warrant canary