DW's primal journal

Now that I'm done dealing with my 17 year old horny man child who lies about his friends and where he's going, aka my father, it's back home and back to business.

Knowing I was dealing with Olympic level stress, and also that I have anger management issues, my trainer presented me with this as part of my morning workout.


This beats the hell out of a treadmill, lemme tell ya. I need this at home. Now if I could just lift my arms over my head some time today that'd be great. I haven't been able to reach the coffee cups and it's almost noon. I really need a super sledge for this. #fallout4

I am MUCH better on the S trainer now. This concerns me because no doubt she will increase the duration now. I still wheeze like a wounded water buffalo on it so maybe I'll be spared additional torment a little while longer. Unfortunately carpal tunnel is causing difficulty with the weights. Kinda hard to lift weights when they fall out of one hand all the time. Surgery may be on the horizon, ugh. At least I can flex a mean bicep once more, so there's that. In the meantime I ordered some wrist wraps and also a wrist hook to help a little.

I have been informed that if you can handle cooking brisket then you should try cooking beef cheek. About to add that to my list of oddball meats to eat. Is that considered offal? I always thought offal was the guts but I read one thing where they called an oxtail offal. Maybe they meant awful? Surely not, grilled oxtail is awesome.

Scale no budgie but since I can see quite a bit of upper body muscle reappearing I'll blame it on that.

 

With the carpal tunnel threatening to put a halt to weight lifting, I ordered some wrist wraps and crossed my fingers that they'd make a difference. This morning was their test run, and I'm embarrassingly giggly about how great they worked. Zero pain, no issues with grip or weakness, exactly what I needed.

This morning's session involved shoving the sled, loaded with weights, down the room and back again between everything else. Everything else being bent over dumbbell rows @20# each, dumbbell thrusters (I didn't look at the weights), and pushups. Since I can't bend my wrists, I just set a couple of big dumbbells on the floor and held onto them for the pushups, which kept everything lined up straight. For the record, pushups still suck. Back for more next Monday and Thursday. Since we had to reschedule an hour later, I wasn't able to do the water aerobics class afterwards. Plus with school out, the workout pool fills up with damn kids the instant that class is over now. They're supposed to be in the outside pool, but yeah, that ain't happening.

Picked up a couple pounds of chicken feet and have them in the crockpot now for broth, which I've kinda gotten addicted to. Also picked up some assorted salad fixings, a bag of cherries, and a couple of peaches.

I haven't eaten much today. Coffee, hardboiled egg for breakfast. Primal Kitchen protein collagen bar after the gym. I made a big salad when I got home but then fell asleep on the couch after eating less than 1/4 of it. I'll finish it tomorrow. The Mr grilled steaks and some jalapeno poppers for dinner, and now my Dobie is eyeballing what's left on my plate. That beak of his is about to write a check he doesn't want me to cash.

Scale down 3 more.

 

Congrats on the -3!

 

I am exhausted.

The Mr's mother had a stroke over the weekend. She's ok now, but she and his dad both have COPD and insanely high blood pressure. 60+ years of heavy smoking is coming home now. We've already buried half his aunts and uncles in the last 9 months, and it's looking like we'll be burying both of his parents this summer.

It's obvious now that I'll be burying two of my brothers this summer. Both SIL said they are afraid to check on them when they get home from work, afraid they've stopped breathing. Naturally neither one is The Golden One. That bastard is immortal.

Dad has run off to Oklahoma with The Gold Digger to help her pack and shop for wedding rings. They're going to live at his house in Texas for 6 months, then sell it and he'll buy her a nice new house in Oklahoma. I have to get space in my house made NOW for mom's piano and bedroom furniture, because Gold Digger is already whispering in his ear that one of her grandkids would love that piano and my isn't that antique makeup vanity nice? Bitch ain't getting it. Oh, and she doesn't like how I did his house, thinks it's boring and dreary. She wants to repaint it for the 6 months she'll be living in it. (some of you are privy to how I put my life on hold for 4 months to completely redo dad's house for him after mom died, at his request).

I really don't drink, but I'm about to start. People need to stop telling me to breathe. Breathing ain't my issue. Not smashing things is. My trainer canceled this week for personal reasons, and that's my only real stress reliever right now.

Today's menu includes coffee and resentment, with random swearing for dessert. Probably have seconds of that.

The scale is in hiding.

 

Sorry for your troubles DW, but I love yer way with words

 

It's been three weeks since my brother died. I saw it coming but nothing ever really prepares you for that. He took me on my first motorcycle ride, on the back of a battered Honda that was more suited for the scrapheap than the back roads and gravel turns we tore through. He taught me cars could fly if you drove them fast enough, and that the back of a horse was the fastest way to escape to freedom. When he was 17 he left home, and showed me there was a bright light at the end of our pitch black tunnel. He gave me a reason to keep going. Whenever shit got so bad at home that I thought about ending it I thought of him and told myself, he got out. He got out. He got out.

I haven't done much since the call came. Valium got me through the funeral, busy work has been my constant companion since. I've done laundry, mopped floors, cleaned vents on freezers, and ironed sheets. Me. Ironing sheets. Pretty sure that's a sign of the apocalypse.

When I was 8 years old my dad told me to stop crying, or else I'd get worse. I got the message. I stopped. I didn't cry when he smashed my fingers in the car door and broke them, didn't cry when I fell off my bike, didn't cry when my boyfriends dumped me, or when my jeans were too tight to zip. The cancellation of Firefly almost broke me, but ultimately no tears were shed. Nearly four decades of not crying has now caught up with me and I seem to be making up for lost time. Kleenex looks like a good stock option right now.

I haven't eaten much, and I've lost 5 pounds as a result. Coffee with cream, half a cucumber, a chicken leg for dinner. Tonight is steak night, but I probably won't eat anything until then.

 

Winnow DW, winnow. Sorry for your loss and pain.

 

I am truly sorry for your loss DW. You are in our thoughts. If you'd like to chat please PM and I'll shoot you our number.

 

That picture is amazing. Pure joy on you face. Hugs and you will be in my thoughts. Crying is good and if that doesn't work, grab your sledgehammer.

 

2017 was a serious mf'er of a year for me. Deaths, murders, dad married his internet troll, had a cancer scare (turned out to be nothing but thanks for the 3 weeks of sleepless nights and high blood pressure waiting for results, doc), much more drama than I care to get into, but all around good times.

Here's to 2018 being a massive improvement.

I started all this in March of 2014. There's been setbacks along the past almost 4 years. Gained 20 pounds back from the 80+ I lost but I've gotten rid of them again. Binge on mac and cheese every holiday, always feel like shit afterwards but come next t-giving/xmas I forget how bad it makes me feel and I do it again, ha. However I never go 100% back to eating the way I used to even on my worst days. For the most part, other than my crack-like addiction to Nut Thins crackers and cheese my meals are all freshly prepared meat, veg, and the occasional bit of fruit. Foods that I used to gag over now make regular appearances on the menu at our house. I used to try to make food everyone would eat when they came over, but now I don't bother. They can eat what I do or be hungry. So far no one ever goes home hungry. It's surprising how much their "picky eater" McDonalds loving kids will pig out on spaghetti squash broccoli cheese casserole... once you get the brainwashed little bastards to try it, anyway.

When people ask me about paleo/primal, the questions are usually the same.

1. How can you give up bread/pasta?
I stopped buying it. I stopped making it from scratch. And I stopped trying to make bread/pasta substitutes. All those Pinterest recipes that show mouthwatering photos of brownies and cakes and muffins that promise to be the best grain free paleo gluten free vegan unicorn sprinkle goodies ever? They're full of crap. They might taste good in their own right but they're a piss poor replacement for flour based, sugar laden sweet heaven. That eggy sponge you just nuked in a bowl isn't going to taste like an English muffin. That pumpkin waffle will never taste better than a belgian waffle from IHOP. Unless you're drunk. Preferably on vodka, because you know, it's paleo. All you do is set yourself up for disappointment when you bite into that dry, unsweet, nasty paleo brownie, and then you'll end up eating an entire box of Oreos to drown your bitter regret in. Not that I'd know anything about that.

But eventually, you stop wanting it. Eventually a fresh peach tastes a million times sweeter than that double fudge brownie. Eventually you discover spaghetti squash in a creamy coconut milk/garlic/sea salt/cracked pepper sauce and decide not only does it taste even better than angel hair pasta covered in alfredo sauce, it doesn't leave you feeling like a $5 hooker the morning after the USS Nimitz pulled into port. Spaghetti squash will love you like pasta never could, and it won't make you feel dirty afterwards.

2. How do you find the time to do ALL. THAT. COOKING??
Not having kids and being able to work from home does afford me a luxury of time that many don't have. However, I manage my cooking a lot like people with a full time job and a half a dozen kids do. Meal plan Fri night. Shop on Saturday. Meal prep on Sunday. The rest of the week I just pull it from the fridge and put it together. When all the prep work is already done, there's not even that much cleanup to do afterwards. I also make enough for dinner to ensure we both have leftovers for lunch the next day, which saves us quite a bit of money as he's not buying lunch at work everyday.

3. My husband would be fine with just bacon and eggs and butter and steak but I can't eat like that! or conversely, I'm totally fine with nothing but steak and bacon but my wife will slit my throat if I try to make her eat that.
You don't have to. It isn't Atkins induction. Since my husband can no longer see past his belly button (I swear that man is going to deliver twin kegs any day now) I try to steer clear of starchier veg like potatoes, but bacon and eggs tends to stay on the brekkie menu.
For example...
Zucchini noodles with sliced roma tomatoes and diced mesquite grilled chicken breast with a creamy sauce made from butter, coconut cream, a LOT of garlic, basil, and grated parm cheese.
Grilled pork steaks with braised red cabbage onions and apples.
Grilled chicken with a roasted tomatillo avocada salsa next to broccoli and spaghetti squash with a creamy coconut milk/chicken stock/salt/garlic/pepper sauce.
Baked flounder (browned butter, dill, garlic, sea salt, pepper) with the same spaghetti squash broccoli (1 squash makes a LOT), and some baby lettuces with a bit of decidedly not primal Ranch dressing on them.
Diced zucchini sauteed in coconut oil, crushed garlic, dried basil, sea salt, pepper, and a bit of lemon juice with some smoked salmon and crack... er, nut flour crackers.
And prime rib. It was on sale and I'll take any excuse to fire up the grill, heh.

4. Is it really worth everything you had to give up?
Hell yeah. I mean, sure I gave up a lot to go primal/paleo. Gave up acid reflux. Asthma. Allergies. Joint pain. Bloating. Gas. Prescription pills to treat asthma, allergies, and acid reflux. Dry itchy skin. Upset stomach. Lethargy. Fat jeans.

I'm eating right. Hitting the gym with a personal trainer 3x a week. Gonna take up a new martial art this spring, Okinawa Goju Ryu Karate. Gonna learn how to install wall tile for a shower/tub surround this weekend coz I'm going to turn our half bath to a full one this summer..

2018 looks pretty good so far.

 

@ditch witch very pretty. Thank you for posting the pictures of the meals you make. I showed them to the kids and asked what they thought. That food looks really good was the response. When I read what is was, they wanted to try eating healthier. Appreciate your post because it helped get the kids ready for another step towards eating healthier.

 

@ditch witch you look lovely! thanks for posting I love your frank style. I couldn't agree more on ... just give up bread, potatoes etc. None of the substitutes are worth a damn.

I have 2 deserts I make when I want sweets. the chocolate fat bombs... posted some where here... and s key lime pie with almond flour and butter crust it's all no bake

 

I do have some paleo recipes for desserts that are frigging delicious but I only pull those out for holidays and get-togethers. Otherwise I have to explain to my mother in law that no, I am not on a diet, I just don't eat the garbage I handed her a plateful of.
Like... this awesome german chocolate pecan pie with a shredded coconut crust. Even better the day after. Also have an almond flour/maple syrup snickerdoodle cookie recipe that I like, but only because I've mostly lost my sweet tooth by now. The Mr, who has a few dozen sweet teeth, thinks they're barely edible. If you really really have your heart set on a traditional pastry or pasta, the substitutes are just going to annoy you until the day arrives that you can no longer remember what the original tasted like. Sadly that day will come long after you forget how crappy eating that drek makes you feel, leading to many after-dinner regretfests, but eventually it does. If it didn't then vegans wouldn't really believe tofu bacon is the shiznitz.

I can't do full on paleo tho. I love cheese and dairy too much. Fortunately it doesn't have any adverse affect on me so yay for cheddar!

Speaking of cheese, I ran across this recipe for spaghetti squash waffle grilled cheese sammiches and I gotta try it this week. I am gonna bake the squash and then toss the strands on the dehydrator to get most of the moisture out, then follow the rest of the recipe. I think partially dehydrating the squash will result in a crispier texture... she and others have mentioned it coming out soggy at times and who wants a waterlogged grilled cheese? Pair it up with some homemade creamy tomato soup for a light Saturday lunch on a cold winter day.

 

Went through my t-shirt drawer yesterday and ended up throwing out almost everything because they're all two or three or four sizes too big. Did the same in the closet. Went shopping today at a store full of shit I haven't been able to wear in 15 years. I had high hopes and low expectations, tbh. Picked out a couple of cute dresses, tried them on, and nearly fainted.

I can wear designer clothes again.

Betsey Johnson, how I've missed you. Anna Sui, good to see you again! Me? Oh nothing much, just been slumming at Walmart for the last 15 years but enough about me ladies , let's see how you look in my closet. Oh and bring Michael Kors with you while you're at it.

I'm pretty sure my husband felt his wallet shrivel up at that very moment.

Seriously I would give myself carpet burned knees for Mark Sisson right about now. Primal changed my damn world.

OMG I need more shoes now.

 

*sigh* dosent mater how primal/Paleo I get,, shoes shopping is a waste of time.

size 7 or 8 UK.. so thats like a womens size 10 or 11 in the US.. but with tripple E wide feet.. On the plus side I can get shit kickers that fit (Muck Boots)

 

Oh the visual there...... I will hold onto that thought.


Congrats DW. I need to get back on the wagon again