Fair is Fair

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Seacowboys, Apr 2, 2013.

  1. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
    The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

    Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
    One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
    The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

    A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex.
    The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
    To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

    A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
    He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."

    A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
    "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
    The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
    The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."

    A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
    It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
    He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

    A blond man shouts frantically into the phone
    "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
    "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
    "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

    A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
    A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
    The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"

    A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.
    His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"

    He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.

    "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.

    "Here boy!" he replies.

    A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him
    hanging by his feet.
    "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
    "Hanging myself," the blond replies.
    "It should be around your neck" says the guard.
    "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."

    (This one actually makes sense.)

    An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
    To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

    kellory, Beano and Yard Dart like this.
  2. PlumbNutz

    PlumbNutz Pissed off citizen

    On a serious note: Why do divers fall backwards off the boat?
  3. Donldson

    Donldson Monkey+

    You try climbing up and standing on the side of a boat with flippers on ;)

    Sent from my HTC Thunderbolt.
  4. DMGoddess

    DMGoddess Monkey+++

    Fair enough, but where's the brunette jokes? :D
  5. kellory

    kellory An unemployed Jester, is nobody's fool. Banned

    Just don't get me started on Micheal Jackson jokes....
  6. Donldson

    Donldson Monkey+

    Ok, I got one! A brunette walks in to a bar. She buys her own drinks, hangs out with her friends, then goes home alone worrying about the sleazy guy her blonde friend went home with.
  7. Yard Dart

    Yard Dart Vigilant Monkey Moderator

    What's the difference between a brunette and the household trash? At least the trash gets taken out every week......

    My buddies wife told us that one, when she had enough with the blonde jokes coming her way. Just for the record- I love them all (but my red-head scares me). ;)
  8. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

    What do you get when you turn three blondes upside down?

    Three brunettes
    Mechwolf and Cruisin Sloth like this.
  9. Sapper John

    Sapper John Analog Monkey in a Digital World

    What do you call a brunette standing between a blonde and a red head?
    A translator.
    BTPost and Yard Dart like this.
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