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For the Guys...

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Mar 9, 2006.

  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
    much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
    never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

    FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into

    Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel
    like it, I just want you to hold me."

    I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
    "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
    to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
    saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
    the bedroom?"

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
    her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
    department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several
    very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her
    we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes,
    so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry
    where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was
    excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I
    to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she
    doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I
    "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all
    of the
    excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think
    this is all
    dear, let's go to the cashier."

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel
    like it."

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled

    I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
    just not
    in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your
    needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to
    kill me,
    I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I
    buy you?"

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....

  2. monkeyman

    monkeyman Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    [LMAO] [LMAO] [LMAO] [bestpost]
  3. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    :lol: Too funny!!!!!!! [applaud]
  4. BigUglyOne

    BigUglyOne Monkey+++ Founding Member

    [LMAO] [LMAO] [LMAO]
  5. ColtCarbine

    ColtCarbine Monkey+++ Founding Member

    [applaud] That is worth missing out on sex for awhile... :lol: [ROFL] [LMAO]
  6. Conagher

    Conagher Dark Custom Rider Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    That's a good one [LMAO] :lol: [applaud]
  7. E.L.

    E.L. Moderator of Lead Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    [bow] [applaud] [LMAO]
  8. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    [notfunny] [winkthumb]
  9. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    I KNOW that is not tobacco in your pipe -- :rolleyes:
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