TEN GOOD REASONS TO KEEP YOUR CHILD IN PUBLIC SCHOOL By Joel Turtel February 10, 2007 Here are ten reasons why parents should keep their kids in public schools: 1 - Public schools can cripple your child's ability to read. The schools use a special reading-instruction method to do this called whole-language (or balanced literacy). But that's a good thing. Why do kids need to read anyhow? It only gives them ambitions to go to college. Parents have to shell out tens of thousands of dollars for college tuition these days, so if your child can't read, you end up saving a lot of money. 2 - Public schools can wreck your child's ability to do math, with "fuzzy" math curriculums. But that's a good thing. That way, your child will not strive to be a scientist or engineer and make a lot of money. Having a lot of money causes stress, and you don't want your kids to be stressed in life, do you? Also, if your child grows up to be a supermarket check-out clerk, you don't have to worry. The machine scans in all the prices and will tell your child how much change to give back to the customer. 3 - Public schools violate your God-given parental rights to choose who teaches your child and what he is taught. But hell, aren't we swamped today with too many choices anyhow? It's only reasonable to let education "experts" who have been trained in our finest "teacher" colleges tell us how to educate our children. After all, haven't these education "experts" done a superb job educating our children up to now? 4 - Public schools give your child a "well-rounded" education. Your child's day is filled with shocking sex-education classes, multiculturalism classes that spit on American values, save-the-earth environmental propaganda classes, drug-education classes that give your child all the dope about these drugs so he can choose wisely, and violence- prevention classes for those kids who get violent from being bored to death in public-school classrooms. 5 - Public schools give your children great socialization. Where else can your kids smoke a joint in the bathroom, meet roaming drug dealers in the schoolyards, be raped or assaulted by violent bullies on the prowl for victims, and join a racial clique that promotes harmony among the students? That's a lot better than the "bad" socialization of homeschooling that "isolates" kids from this wonderful interaction with their peers. 6 - Public schools give your kids a great sex education. As parents, we don't want to talk to our kids about embarrassing sex matters anyhow, so this takes us off the hook. Your child's sex-education classes will teach her why homosexuality is a "normal" lifestyle and why sexual promiscuity is OK, as long as you remember to "protect" yourself. If your teenage daughter then decides to experiment and gets pregnant, that's great also, because the welfare office will give your daughter monthly welfare checks, food stamps, rent subsidies, and free health care. What more can you ask for? 7 - Public schools will give your child drugs. Yes, Ritalin is now the drug of choice for millions of school children. But isn't that a good thing? Ritalin will help your son stop "fidgeting" and "pay attention" in class, even though he is bored to death. Ritalin also helps the teacher maintain discipline in the classroom. After all, if your son disrupts the class by "acting out," the other kids can't learn anything, right? So Ritalin is a wonderful way to mentally strap-down your child to his desk. 8 - Your child can "participate" in your school's Teen-Screen program. These are "mental-health" screening programs that help determine if your teenager is mentally deranged. A health "expert" in your public school will ask your child questions such as, "have you been unhappy lately," or "do you get along with your brothers and sisters?" From your bewildered child's answers to these illuminating questions, the health "expert" will give his opinion as to whether your child might have a mental "disease." He might then "recommend" that you take your child to a psychiatrist who might start your child on a cocktail of mind-altering drugs. But hell, having your child labeled with a mental "disease" isn't that bad, is it? Your child will lose the confidence to go to college, and we're back to advantage number one, where you'll save a lot of money on college tuition. 9 - Your child can stay in school for twelve years. Well, maybe he won't know how to read a bus schedule or his own diploma after twelve years, but twelve years go by fast, don't they? Why teach your child to read at home with phonics so he becomes a great reader in only two years? My God, what will your child then do with all his free time once he can easily read War and Peace? He might actually come to love learning. 10 - Finally, public schools are cheap day-care centers. We all work hard these days because income, real estate, social security, and dozens of other taxes loot half our paychecks, and big-government- created inflation sharply increases the cost of everything we buy. So since we can't save a penny, we can't afford private day-care. That's why we need public schools to house our kids while we make a living to pay the bills.