For the women..A letter from Barbie..

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Oct 5, 2006.

  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    A Letter From Barbie

    ************************* Chief Executive Officer Mattel, Inc.
    El Segundo, CA

    Dear Sir,

    Listen you little troll, I've been helping you out every year,
    playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy
    bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from
    one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya, but
    IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes
    around here this year, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide
    meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it).

    So, here's my resolution/wish list:

    1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized
    sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller
    are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it
    feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?

    2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably
    white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD
    imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!

    3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo
    over that wimped-out excuse for a boyfriend, Ken. And what's
    with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him,
    at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

    4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned
    Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

    5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to
    twist, just get it done.

    6. A sports bra. To wear until I get the surgery.

    7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut
    it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, an advertising
    account exec!

    8. A new, more 21st century persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a
    miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream
    and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own
    paint gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat and handcuffs; or
    "Stop Smoking Barbie", sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and
    equipped with several packs of gum.

    9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my

    10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years--I think I deserve

    Ok, Mr CEO, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to
    society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you
    disagree, then you can find yourself a new bimbo doll for next
    Christmas. It's that simple.

    Yours truly,

    Barbie Dreamhouse Malibu, CA
  2. fuzzy

    fuzzy Monkey+++

    :D :D what a hoot. lol
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