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For Tracy

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Seacowboys, Jan 13, 2008.

  1. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    A string walks into the bar and asks for a beer. The bar-tender looks at it and says,"Sorry, we don't serve strings here."
    The string goes outside and finds a wino sitting by a dumpster and says" Hey....Do me favor? Tie me in a knot."
    The wino ties the string into a bow-line and string says," now frey both my ends for me." and the wino rolls the ends of the string on the pavement to frey each end.
    The string walks back into the bar and shouts at the bar-tender,"Hey...gimme a beer."
    The bar-tender looks around and asks,"Say...aren't you that string that was just in here?"
    "I'm a freyed knot." the string replied.
  2. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    I love it! [LMAO]
  3. Blackjack

    Blackjack Monkey+++

    That's just bad.......
  4. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    [LMAO]That [LMAO]is [LMAO]sooooo [LMAO]good!![applaud]

    It's nice to laugh out loud in the morning at the computer. It makes the kids wonder. :D
  5. MbRodge

    MbRodge Monkey+++

    A termite walks in to a bar and asks: "Is the bar tender here?"
  6. Blackjack

    Blackjack Monkey+++

    Ok, Ok, Ok, I'll jump into this madness.

    A dyslexic man walks into a rab.

    A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink
    here named after you." The grasshopper says, "BOB?"

    A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "I
    can't serve you." The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fun-guy."


    A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

    A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

    Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

    Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

    Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Would you like a beer?" Descartes replies, "I think not", then disappeared.
  7. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    Atta boy, Blackjack![winkthumb]

    The other day I was eating in an Italian restaurant when I accidentally spilled some spaghetti sauce on my favorite white sweater. I wasn't too distressed, though, because Mr. Wong down on High Street has been doing my laundry for years and I knew that he could take just about any stain and get it out like it'd never been there.

    So I took the sweater down to Wong's Laundry and dropped it off; Mr. Wong said he'd probably be able to have it cleaned by Thursday. So on Thursday afternoon after work I stopped by Wong's again. Mr. Wong looked quite distressed when he saw me. He brought out the sweater and, apologizing profusely, explained that somehow this stain was beyond even his power to expunge. And sure enough, though fainter than before, there was still a distinct red stain on the sweater.

    In an attempt to make up for his failure, Mr. Wong offered to send the sweater to his brother across town, who had been in the laundry business for even longer, and might have a clue as to the method of removal of this extraordinarily persistent stain. The elder Wong brother would rush it through at no extra charge and should have it looking as white and clean as new by Friday.

    So on Friday I went back to Wong's to pick up my sweater, but when I arrived, Mr. Wong regretfully informed me that his brother, too, had failed to remove the red blotch. "No charge," said Wong, "but you must take sweater elsewhere to clean. Two Wongs cannot make white."
  8. ColtCarbine

    ColtCarbine Monkey+++ Founding Member

    An old man was sitting on his front porch down in Louisiana watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" The boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens." Old man yells "Your a damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

    That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

    Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks." Old man yells back, "Your a damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

    That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

    Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy says "It's a pussy willow." The old man says "Hang on, I'll get my hat."
  9. Tango3

    Tango3 Aimless wanderer

    A Marines' tour is up so he has one last good (no protection)fling with a bar girl. He wakes up the next day; his member is burning and shades of red and purple so he goes to sick call.Doc examines him and says "Oh. I'm sorry gunny thats' one hell of an incurable social disease you got there, pennicillin won't even touch that. We simply have to amputate; before you can get back stateside.
    Gunny goes back tells his buddy,"cut it off!??oh hell no! we'll just go in to town and see doc xiong he's seen every social disease in this whole shitty country...
    Gunny goes to doc xiong "doc iv'e gotta problem" and drops his pants" they say they've gotta cut my dick off :
    Doctorsays"Oooh: your disk is "prad" (plaid)!!!
    "tell me straight doc do you have to cut it off??"
    "Oh no !
    don' worry!
    we no have to cut your dick off!....
    It fall off by itself two-tree days".
  10. Tango3

    Tango3 Aimless wanderer

    how about the dyslexic atheist; who wondered if there really was a dog?
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