For you guys...to share with your significant others...

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Jun 6, 2009.


  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    'cause I give you a hard time now & then...[angel]

    Summer Classes for Women at The Adult Learning Center

    REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
    by Friday, June 19, 2009

    NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

    Class 1
    Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
    Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
    Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

    Class 2
    Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
    Round Table Discussion.
    Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

    Class 3
    Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
    Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 4
    Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
    Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

    Class 5
    Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
    Examples on Video.
    Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

    Class 6
    How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.
    Help Line Support and Support Groups.
    Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

    Class 7
    Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
    Open Forum.
    Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

    Class 8
    Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
    Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 9
    I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
    Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

    Class 10
    How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
    Driving Simulations.
    4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

    Class 11
    Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers
    Through the Windshield .
    Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

    Class 12
    How to Shop by Yourself.
    Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

    Class 13
    How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
    Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
    Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours..

    Class 14
    The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration.
    Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

    Class 15
    Mind Reading--Can your significant other read your mind?
    Actual Role playing Demonstration showing that no matter how well they know you, they still don't know what you want them to do until you actually tell them.
    Monday and Tuesdays from 8::00 PM until 10:00 PM, location to be determined.
     
  2. The Expendable

    The Expendable Bread and Circus Master

    It's funny because it's true! I once saw a list like this that advised women to nail the toilet seat down. I thought, "fine with me!" ;)
     
  3. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    ...and when she finishes with all 15 of those classes, she can attend the CC School of Sensitivity Training.
     
  4. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    Toilet seats? Hey, gravity is helping you, qyb. We have to lift them. What's more, usually you are shorter so we have to bend over further --
     
  5. The Expendable

    The Expendable Bread and Circus Master

    I never understood the logic of leaving the seat down. If women would get in the habit of LOWER the seat before use, then RAISING it when finished, they would never have to worry about sitting on a wet seat.
     
  6. E.L.

    E.L. Moderator of Lead Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Where can I sign up my wife and three daughters for this? For those of you that have seen my wife and three daughters and their hair, you probably understand. I fully believe, that if my girls quite buying hair products, not only would the economy be twice as worse as it is already, the unemployment rate would rise close to 20%, and the GDP would be dramatically lower. [booze][booze]
     
  7. Blackjack

    Blackjack Monkey+++

    LMFAO!

    Especially #1. Sorry ladies, I have yet to meet one of you that can operate the Magic Indoor Weather Box.



    Thank you.
     
  8. Moon

    Moon Monkey++

    Q: Does anyone know why husbands usually die before their wives ???






















    A: Because they want to.
    [beer]
     
  9. The Expendable

    The Expendable Bread and Circus Master

    ba-dump-bump! (rimshot)
     
  10. Clyde

    Clyde Jet Set Tourer Administrator Founding Member

    6 year old boys don't check to see if the seat is raised or lowered. They just go because they wait until it is a total emergency. If I were a woman, I would prefer a raised seat if there is a young boy in the house simply because you can guaranty a dry seat when you put it down. Did I forget to mention they don't clean-up if they make a mess on the seat?
     
  11. kckndrgn

    kckndrgn Moderator Moderator Founding Member

    LMAO I remember when my daughter was potty training. I had used "her" bathroom, didn't put the seat back down. Short time later I hear a wet splash followed by a scream. When she got done, she "yelled" at me for not puttin' the seat back down, I simply said, "well, now you'll look every time you go won't you?"

    The wife thought I was mean, but we were both laughing inside. And no, she has not "fallin' in" again.

    And pretty soon we'll start potty training our boy, oh boy, that's gonna be fun!!
     
  12. The Expendable

    The Expendable Bread and Circus Master

    I read somewhere that you should float some Cheerios in the bowl to give the boy a target... make a game out of it. Then again, Dr. Spock was a shareholder in General Mills...
     
  13. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    They do if you teach them to!

    To make things fair; why not have a lid down rule? That way, both genders have to close it after each use (and it helps contain the bacterial flyaways during the flush).
     
  14. The Expendable

    The Expendable Bread and Circus Master

    eww... All that bacteria stuck to the back of the lid? No thanks!
     
  15. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    Perhaps you prefer it on your toothbrush?
     
  16. The Expendable

    The Expendable Bread and Circus Master

    I stay well away from the toilet while brushing my teeth. I also don't pee in the sink. Usually.
     
  17. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    Since when does ANYONE brush their teeth near the hopper when flushing? Or keep said teethbrush (I'm from the north) within 6 feet of the hopper? Jeez.
     
  18. The Expendable

    The Expendable Bread and Circus Master


    Thank you! So we're all in agreement here? No brushing of teeth while on or near the crapper, no storing of toothbrush within six feet of the crapper, and KEEP THE SEAT IN AN UPRIGHT POSITION UNLESS IN USE!

    OK, all agreed? Let's move on. Next subject?
     
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