1. The Topic of the Month for October is "Make this the Perfect Bugout Location". Please join the discussion in the TOTM forum.

Forrest Gump at the Pearly Gates

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by ghrit, Nov 14, 2013.

  1. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.

    He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
    St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.'

    Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam.I sure hope the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.'

    St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

    First:What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

    Second:How many seconds are there in a year?

    Third:What is God's first name?

    Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.'
    Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'?Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'

    The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter.
    'How many seconds in a year?

    Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, 'but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'

    Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year ?

    Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve:January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... '

    'Hold it, interrupts St.Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.

    Can you tell me
    God's first name'?
    'Sure,' Forrest replied, it's Andy.'

    'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'

    You are going to love this ...

    'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song,




    St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said:'Run, Forrest, run.'

    Give me a sense of humor

    Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,To get some humor out of life,And to pass it on.
    JABECmfg, HK_User, Dawg23 and 7 others like this.
  2. Dont

    Dont Just another old gray Jarhead Monkey Site Supporter

    That was sweet..
    Dawg23 likes this.
  3. kellory

    kellory An unemployed Jester, is nobody's fool. Banned

    "Can you tell me
    God's first name'?
    'Sure,' Forrest replied, it's Andy.'"

    No, no, no....it's Howard.
    "our Lord in heaven, Howard be thy name,......"
    JABECmfg, HK_User and Dawg23 like this.
  4. Dont

    Dont Just another old gray Jarhead Monkey Site Supporter

    All hail Howard!!
survivalmonkey SSL seal        survivalmonkey.com warrant canary