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George Carlin on aging

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Minuteman, Nov 1, 2006.

  1. Minuteman

    Minuteman Chaplain Moderator Founding Member

    George Carlin's Views on Aging

    Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

    "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

    You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

    "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

    But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

    You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50

    and your dreams are gone.

    But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

    So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

    You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

    You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

    Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

    May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
  2. Minuteman

    Minuteman Chaplain Moderator Founding Member

    And along those lines


    1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them "

    2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

    3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

    4. Enjoy the simple things.

    5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

    6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

    7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets,keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

    8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

    9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

    10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.


    Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
  3. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    The first one is almost funny. Carlin did not grow old gracefully, he just became bitter.
  4. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    I can relate to both (but not the extreme end of the first. Yet.)
  5. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Have you seen his latest stand up "comedy" on HBO?? Came out last month?

    I was more depressed after watching it than I was when I had the job from Hell...

    It's sooooo bitter.....and the sad part? Most of what he talks about that is going on in this world, and specifically this country....is real.

    Don't watch it......:rolleyes:
  6. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    Thanks, I had no intention of watching it.
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